Feelin' bummed

So last Thursday night I started having contractions at 9pm. They were pretty intense right from the start and coming two minutes apart. By 9:45 I had a pen and paper and was jotting down their frequency to confirm they really were coming every two minutes - sure enough, right on the dot! After 3 full glasses of water, an episode of 'Criminal Minds', and a hot shower, they finally slowed down (right at 11). They continued throughout the night here and there, but by 5am were getting stronger again. At 6:30 when I couldn't lay in bed any longer due to the discomfort, I started to think this might really be it! And so, in a panic, I started cleaning my house, folding laundry, and trying to get as organized as possible. I certainly hadn't planned to spend Halloween in the hospital, but it was looking as though that might be a possibility! By 8:00 I'd accomplished a TON, but then the contractions just stopped almost all together. So weird.

Well, I figured even if all those contractions didn't put me into labor, they at least had to have done SOMETHING! But alas, my doctor's appointment yesterday indicated no progress whatsoever. In fact, Dr. Baer said he could hardly even find my cervix! I was on the verge of tears driving out of his parking lot. If those contractions didn't do anything, what will? I am pretty much convinced this baby will be a November 19th c-section (we changed our "deadline" date from the 21st). I'll keep my fingers crossed, but I'm certainly not getting my hopes up about going into labor on my own. Not now.

I am also a little stressed by this new job. I think all of us (myself, Neil and the doctor) were expecting it to be much more low-key than it's actually turned out to be. It's so frustrating that someone could just walk out on a job, leaving a huge mess behind. I can't imagine lacking such a conscience! Since Friday I have put in 25 hours! Luckily all patients still active in these studies are being seen this week, which means none will be coming back for another 4-6 weeks. While there's still lots I'm trying to learn and clean up, I am hoping to tie up enough loose ends by Friday afternoon so that next week I can just relax at home and enjoy my remaining days of being mother-of-one with Chloe. The poor girl has been thrown around so much this week, and I just feel like the worst mother in the world! I'm so involved though, I just wouldn't feel right backing out on this poor doctor. Neil has been very patient and encouraging, and I honestly think he's the reason I'm still going. I've certainly learned a lot from this experience. Not only do I appreciate my role as a mom and my ability to stay home full-time more than I think I ever have, but my heart just absolutely goes out to all you working moms who don't have the choice! I really don't know how you do it, but I respect you on a whole new level.

Aside from some of the stress and disappointments this last week has brought, I'm feeling okay. My feet and ankles are swollen, my back is hurting (mostly just in the morning), and in general I'm feeling more and more like a waddling machine. Still, I've managed to keep my endurance and have yet to feel as miserable as I did at this stage of my pregnancy with Chloe. We'll see what another week does. :)

14 days or less!