Project Life!

Well, I've finally started Project Life, after contemplating, researching, and admiring the concept for two solid years.  I am using the digital system to document the every day of 2013, and also received a couple kits (in paper form) for Christmas from my parents to complete the kids' baby books.  Sadly, it isn't so much that I've put off doing their books all these years as I've just never been excited about any particular system I've seen out there.  I've wanted to do traditional scrapbooks for each of them, and have purchased goodness knows how many sheets of card stock, cutesy embellishments, brads, and other silly, unnecessary things.  Yet how many pages have I actually completed for either of the kids?  Might I remind you they are 7 and 4?  Two pages!  Total!  Yes, TWO.  It's pathetic.  I came to the conclusion long ago that traditional scrapbooking was not for me.  As much as I still love and appreciate it, I don't have the patience or time. 

Upon discovering Project Life, I was instantly smitten.  The concept of clean and simple, the ease of filling in 4x6 and 3x4 slots rather than tackling a blank 12x12 canvas, not to mention the inspiration it immediately triggered were all answers to prayer.  I know that must sound terribly cheesy, but it's simply the truth.

Last year, they came out with their Baby and Childhood Editions, and, that was pretty much it for me.  Between this and finally getting Chloe's baby pictures back (off our crashed hard drive), I knew it was time to make the plunge. Just after Christmas, I spent one evening going through all the kids' baby documents - hospital papers and bracelets, birth announcements, cards, stats, and other precious (and silly) keepsakes, which up to that point, had been sitting in a box.  It felt so good to finally be doing something with it all, and I have already started transferring some things into their books.  The kids ADORE looking at my blog.  They could spend hours sifting through old posts and giggling at the various pictures and updates from years past.  And since I've started filling their albums, Ryan hasn't missed a day of thumbing through his.  It's certainly something we will all enjoy and treasure for years to come.  And aren't books so much more enjoyable to look through than a glaring computer screen?  

Here's my title page for 2013.   

Currently, I am working on Weeks 1, 2, and 3, and will share them as soon as I'm finished.  Ultimately my goal is to print a book at the end of the year, encompassing all of my Project Life spreads and blog posts.  I'm leaning toward capturing more in my PL, and doing less blogging.  I am still finding my groove with it all, but I am so excited to have finally stumbled upon a system that I am confident will actually work for me.  Head over to Becky Higgins' site to learn more about Project Life.

What if love were our only motive?

This past weekend was our Stake Conference.  I'll be honest.  We haven't been the best Stake Conference goers for the past few years.  Who likes having to keep 2 active children quiet and content for two straight hours while trying to gain a spiritual experience simultaneously?  Sacrament Meeting can be challenging enough some weeks!  Well!  We broke the habit and went to the adult session Saturday night and even braved Sunday's session with the kids.  I'm glad we did.   

With each passing week, I feel greater confidence in my church.  It's a combination of things that increase this confidence, but among them, I think these are the greatest contributors:

The leaders, the inspiration behind those who are called where, and Priesthood power in general.  I know with surety that our Prophet and his Apostles are God's representatives, that they converse with Him, share with us His counsel, and love us as He does.  I know that our Bishop and our Stake President and their counselors were hand picked by God Himself to fulfill their roles at this place and time, and that they too hold great power and inspiration to know the needs of those over whom they preside.  And I know that there is infinite power in the Priesthood.  I have heard way too many miracle stories and seen in my own life too many examples of the priesthood being exercised and blessing me and my family to deny its truthfulness.   

The order and exactness of things.  It's amazing how such a process as calling a new Stake President (which we learned about from our own Stake President Saturday night) can be so intricate and exhausting; and how the rights, responsibilities and order of the Priesthood can be so precise, with a maximum number of members for some of its quorums, not to mention all the accompanying regulations, which just give me a headache to think about or try to assimilate.  Yet amidst the order of things in the church, all of which I truly believe is inspired and correct, the gospel itself and our purpose here is simple and straightforward.

The undeniable feelings I get that tell me it is true. I don't know everything there is to know about the gospel, and there have been times when I've been asked questions I didn't have answers to.  But I understand the concept of obedience, its power, and the power of acting in faith.  I also recognize that our view as humans is limited, and that in this lifetime, we will only be able to see to a certain point.  That is when faith comes into play, and when we must not question the counsel of our leaders but simply follow it.  Sometimes I don't logically understand something, but I know in my heart that it's right, so I go with it.  Can't really explain it, but can't really deny it either.  When it's right, it's right.  Period.  I remember someone questioning me when Neil and I got engaged after only knowing each other 3 months.  What this person didn't know is that we actually knew only 2 days after our first date what was to come.  How did we know though?  It didn't make sense, and went against both Neil's and my logic.  There was no explanation.  We just felt in our hearts that it was right.  And thankfully, those feelings were legitimate because here we are, 10 years later, still happily married with a family.  Had we relied on logic and allowed the doubts of others to persuade us, we wouldn't be where we are today.  Feelings are a powerful thing, and sometimes more powerful than any knowledge we can go by.  No doubt the Holy Ghost plays a great role in such feelings.  How grateful I am for that gift in my life.

President Crockett shared an experience he had shortly after he was called to be Stake President 8 1/2 years ago.  He said he was sitting in his office one night feeling quite overwhelmed and lonely at all of his new responsibilities, when suddenly, he felt a warm sense of love and comfort come over him.  In that same moment, he had a vision of a small child kneeling with his mother in prayer and asking Heavenly Father to bless President Crockett.  As President Crockett sat there at his desk, he realized that just as he was receiving the warm comfort he needed, this sweet child's prayer was being answered.  What a precious thought.  He closed the story with the reminder that God hears our children's prayers, and that He hears our prayers, and that He answers them.  I love the gentle message there.  I am often touched by Chloe's and Ryan's prayers, and as they've grown, they've become more thoughtful.  I love knowing that Heavenly Father listens to their prayers, and to mine.

President Crockett's final thought of the night, among other inspiring things he and his counselors shared, was in the form of this question:

"What if love were our only motive?" 

Naturally, he used the example of our Savior, who did everything out of love.  While it wasn't always easy, even for this perfect Being, He remained constant in making love His motive.  Like Christ, President Crockett pleaded with us to try to do the same.  As I sat there listening and watching this man of God preach such truthful words, it just hit me!  What kind of world would we live in if everyone took this simple concept to heart?  What great changes would we witness?  We would probably be more patient and tender with our spouses and children.  We would probably be slower to anger.  Our hearts would probably be softer and more open to our Father's will.  We would probably feel happier and more at peace.  I loved this challenge and am actively trying to apply it to my life.  Easier said than done - especially with young children - HA! - but I am trying.

Here's how Chloe occupied herself during Stake Conference...

How lucky I am to have a daughter who loves her Father in Heaven and Savior, and who recognizes her worth.  Her level of faith and desire to choose the right inspires and strengthens me daily.  I'm sure Jesus and God both appreciated this drawing.

I'm grateful Neil and I went to the trouble of finding a sitter and go to the adult session, and to get up yesterday morning and take the kids to Sunday's session.  Had we not gone, we would have missed out on some inspired counsel, and the many reasons I love and appreciate this church may not have come to light or been as easily conveyed to me today.

Life is a delicate thing

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor the man be perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb

I know that lately my posts have been heavy, lengthy, and lacking of pictures.  I'm working on that.  But for now, here's one more.  Sorry, can't help it.  Lots on my mind right now.

These last several weeks I've heavily pondered the delicacy of life.  It's difficult not to when it seems like families all around me are facing life-threatening realities.  Some friends of ours have close friends out of state, two of whose daughters have a rare condition called Leaky SCID, which basically shuts down the immune system.  Currently the girls, ages 8 and 2, are preparing for chemotherapy, which will be followed by bone marrow transplants.  A couple months ago, Ryan's Sunbeam teacher's son, late thirties, a healthy firefighter and father of four young children, died instantly and unexpectedly of a heart attack.  My neighbor across the street was diagnosed with breast cancer in September, and has undergone four surgeries since.  Her prognosis is good, but it continues to be an excruciating battle.  And just this week I learned that one of the ladies I visit teach's husband, who was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer, which has already metastasized to several other organs, has been given 6-12 weeks to live.  He can't be far past forty.  They have four children also.

I hate stories like these.  Simply hate them.  And of course the natural questions follow, like, why them and not me?  Will something like this happen to me?  What would I do if I was told I had only 6 weeks to live?  How would I react to and cope with one of my children having a life-threatening illness?  What kind of single mother would I make?  Oh, I hate to even imagine any of this, but I can't help it sometimes!
 
I had an ectopic pregnancy in early 2008.  Boy, do I remember that day well!  I arrived at my doctor's office for my first prenatal visit, knowing full well that things weren't good.  Upon various undetermined tests, excruciating pain, tears, and witnessing Dr. Baer in a scared and frazzled state in which I'd never seen him before, I remember him (after gathering his composure), walking into the exam room where Neil and I were waiting, and very calmly saying to us these words: "You are going to get into your car RIGHT NOW, and you are going to drive straight to the hospital.  I am going to follow you there, and we're going to figure this out."  Not 30 minutes later, my pregnancy was officially over, and my ruptured fallopian tube, gone.  It was an extremely sad and frightening loss.  But it also brought to light the grand scheme of things.  Yes, that human being once growing inside of me was no longer.  But that human being also had a spirit, and someday, I would get to meet and raise that spirit.  As humans, we simply cannot recognize or see the before and after, but only the now.  We are told what happened before this life, and we are told what will happen in the next.  We are also told that our time on earth is but a tiny minute compared to what will follow.  And yet we still can only see the here and now.  I wonder sometimes how my perspective would change if I could see the after.  Even though I physically cannot, my faith that it exists and is real brings me such a quiet peace, that life's trials, losses and sorrows suddenly feel lighter.

My miscarriage, while awful at the time, cannot, in my mind, be compared to the loss of a spouse or child.  The experience did broaden my perspective and make me a more empathetic person.  But even coming out of it, I still had my loving husband and daughter by my side, not to mention the strong potential for another healthy child down the road (who was miraculously conceived only 26 days following my emergency surgery).

It is insane when you look at some people and the trials with which God has entrusted them.  Sometimes your heart aches so badly for these people, who, from your limited perspective don't deserve the one-thing-after-another fiasco they've come to call life.  And yet, God sees the big picture.  He is in charge.  And He knows exactly what He is doing.  We just have to trust that, as impossible as it may be at times.

I have had some pretty amazing opportunities to serve many people in need these recent weeks, and I have been so humbled and inspired by their goodness and strength. It's so true that doing service blesses lives. When I am serving others and my heart is in the right place, I am convinced that my blessings far exceed that of the recipients'.  As Elder Derek Cuthbert of the Seventy said, "Service changes people. It refines, purifies, gives a finer perspective, and brings out the best in each one of us. It gets us looking outward instead of inward. It prompts us to consider others’ needs ahead of our own. Righteous service is the expression of true charity, such as the Savior showed."

Life is delicate; life is imperfect; and life is short.  We should, of course, make the best of it, and enjoy it to the fullest.  But we should also remember, amidst our very darkest days, whether they consist of temporary difficulties which will eventually pass, or some of the most devastating, like witnessing a loved one knocking on death's door, that these days have been placed in our lives to teach us and help us grow.  This is our probationary time, after all; our time to prepare to meet God.  And just as the Chinese proverb says, without trials, we cannot be perfected.

Finding the joy

Today, like most days, consisted of a mixture of things, both good and bad.

The bad:

• Discovering our once smooth and flawless black leather bound wedding album had been "decorated" with an unknown, sharp and pokey object.  Thank you, Ryan.
• Forking out $70 to fill my gas tank. 
• Discovering my pink sweater, which I'd worn one time, and which I'd intended to air dry but inadvertently thrown into the drier, was now two sizes smaller.
• Forking out $35 at Lowe's for new brackets and sliders for our kitchen drawers, which are falling apart.
• Having to intervene during one of many fights between the kids - this time, over a chair at our kitchen table - the same chair they fight over every single day.  Why on earth this chair holds an ounce of value over the other identical five is beyond me.
• The resurfacing of unsettled feelings toward an individual with whom I've struggled for years.
• Pulling weeds.
• While sweeping the front porch, discovering my favorite green flower pot, shattered below the porch banister, from where it had fallen.
• Other circumstances, disappointments and frustrations, too personal to share.

The good:

• Gorgeous weather.
• No school (though there were moments today when I would have categorized this with the bad).
• Receiving a UPS tracking number, indicating that my camera, which has been in Nikon's hands since January 17th, is FIXED and on its way home to me, expected to arrive Monday before noon!
• Seeing, enjoying, visiting, venting and laughing with two of my closest local friends.
• Receiving a text message from my sister-in-law, informing me that our sweet nephew will be arriving sometime tomorrow!
• Pondering the comforting words from a Priesthood blessing I received on Sunday.
• Receiving a heartfelt phone call from my brother.
• Watching Chloe practice her ballet routine to "Music Box Dancer" for her first and upcoming dance recital in May.
• Movie night with Neil.
• Ryan wandering downstairs at 11pm, requesting a drink of water, which led to being carried back upstairs "silly" by Daddy, Daddy then reading aloud to Ryan Alma 25, to which Ryan said "the end" as Daddy closed the book; then some snuggles and kisses, which entailed Ryan, at one point, saying to Daddy, "I kissed Mommy and Mommy kissed me. That's silly." all before racing (and beating) Daddy from our bedroom to his, and quickly falling back into dreamland. 

Some days really stink.  People say hurtful things.  Your child throws a tantrum the size of China.  You can't justify buying that super cute throw pillow at Target even though you realllly want it.  Your body aches.  Then other days seem close to perfect.  You wake up actually wanting to exercise.  You remember to bring your coupons with you to the grocery store.  Your husband tells you you're pretty.  Your friend willingly watches your child so you can go to the temple.  No matter the combination of events that take place on a day-to-day basis, there will always be some good and some bad.

The topic of my young women's lesson on Sunday was Finding Joy Now.  As part of my preparation, I read President Thomas S. Monson's talk from October 2008's General Conference entitled, Finding Joy in the Journey.  I think I highlighted more of it than I didn't.  It contained many needed reminders about life, the use of time, and change.  It was powerfully written, and I needed every single sentence. 

Monson started by talking about the "inevitable aspect" of life, that being change.  Said he, "Nothing is as constant as change."  Then, after reminiscing about the many changes that had taken place over the 45 years he had been an Apostle, he said, "The changes over a period of 45 years that were incremental now seem monumental."  Isn't this so true in all our lives?  The every day occurrences often seem monotonous and uneventful.  Yet these days turn into years, years into decades.  And before we know it, the boring and mundane have produced some of life's most significant moments and milestones.  Monson goes on, "This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."

The second to last sentence about "that illusive and nonexistent future when [we'll] have time to do what [we] want to do" just makes me laugh.  It's like that board on Pinterest we've all created, containing ideas and projects that we'll all get to "someday," even though deep down, we know it'll never happen because inevitably, something else will always fill our time.  I love Monson's way of conveying both humor and truth in the same sentence.    

In referencing The Music Man, one of Monson's favorite musicals, he quotes Professor Harold Hill, “'You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you’ve collected a lot of empty yesterdays.'” 

I emphasized this point to my young women, that we so often sit and waste away our days, dreaming about perfect, future tomorrows, when the reality is those days are never going to come.  That's not to say twelve and thirteen-year-old girls don't have plenty to look forward to: high school, first dance, first date, driver's license, college, marriage, motherhood, etc.  These are all wonderful things, but not one of them defines or guarantees perfect happiness.  Disappointments and opposition are simply inevitable.  No matter how you live your life, you can never escape these things.  What you can control is how you spend your time and what type of attitude you have.

Monson shared a short but powerful story, about a father who had promised to take his young boys to the circus, but received a phone call from work requesting his immediate assistance.  After telling whomever it was that business would have to wait, he hung up the phone and came into the kitchen, where his wife and sons sat, waiting for him and expecting the worst.  When his wife, who assumed he'd be going into work, said, "The circus keeps coming back, you know," as a way to brush off the disappointment, the father replied, "I know, but childhood doesn't."

Monson shared another few remarks about making the most of our time with regard to parenthood.  Of the things he said, I loved this most: "...Be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know.

Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of 'what if' and 'if only.'"

Then, in talking more specifically about gratitude, Monson said this:

"Our realization of what is most important in life goes hand in hand with gratitude for our blessings.

Said one well-known author: 'Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.'"

And:

"If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sings, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues."

Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."

I felt like so much of this talk was written just for me.  Too often, I allow the distractions of life to fog my view of what's really important.  Slowly, though, I'm coming along.  As life presents its many surprises and changes, both good and bad, I am learning better how to just roll with it, and enjoy as much of it as I can.  Life really is short, and even though it's hard to see it sometimes, there are millions of reasons to feel joy and gratitude along the way.  My wedding album may look not as pretty as it once did, my pink sweater may not fit right anymore, and, at times, I may strongly despise motherhood.  But without a doubt, my blessings outweigh my struggles.  And those blessings continually bring to me immeasurable joy and happiness.

As President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

Funny kids and a mom who doesn't do everything...

Oh, life.  Why art thou so crazy?  Truly, I am shocked by how much busier things have become since Chloe started school.  I was so naive to think it would slow down just having one child at home with me during the day.  Now I laugh at my four-month-ago-self.  Then I look at moms of multiple children and wonder, "How?!"  How do they do it?  How do they keep up with dentist appointments, maintain a clean house, volunteer at school, build and maintain relationships with each child and ensure their individual needs are met, enforce scripture study and FHE, keep up with church callings, spend quality time with their husbands, exercise, keep milk in the fridge and meals on the table, shower daily? It especially shocks me when these moms, on top of appearing to have it all together, also manage to always look cute.  They say you just find your groove.  Well (chuckle, chuckle), I'm still looking for mine, and it's likely to take me the rest of the school year to find it.

There's no question I am my own worst critic.  I set high (and often unrealistic) expectations for myself, busting my rear to fulfill them.  And perhaps to some, I appear to have it together.  Some days I do!  But more often than not I fall short, and sometimes, in staying on top of one thing, completely neglect something else.  It's hard to find that constant balance - that "groove."  Recently I stumbled upon this quote. 

What a basic yet profound statement!  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I'm trying to do too much.  Then came another epiphany.  These moms, who have found their "groove," don't do it all.  They focus on the important things and set aside the not-so-important things, even if that means making sacrifices and stumbling along the way.  They know their limits and don't try to cram in what they know they can't handle.  I think it's when I accept that I can't do all the things I thought I could or wanted to do AND, most importantly, that that's okay, my mind is suddenly clearer, my heart lighter and my life simpler.  It reminds me a lot of this talk by Dallin H. Oaks.  I am still learning how to manage my time and responsibilities, but slowly, in changing my focus and pondering the truly important things, I'm getting there.

Speaking of important things, here's a glimpse into the recent madness of our lives.  Oh, the things they come up with. 

This morning, in attempt to convince me that he should clip my fingernails, Ryan said, "If you let me, I'll give you a stickerrrrrr!" (big emphasis on "sticker," probably in an attempt to be more persuasive)

Also this morning, while doing his bathroom business, Ryan said, "My tummy hurts." I apologized and stood with him while he continued to look adorable sitting on the toilet.  Then he said, "I need a band-aid."  I asked him where he needed a band-aid, expecting him to point to his finger or somewhere.  Instead he said, "On my tummy."  Poor kid.  He seems to be feeling better now and has not asked for another band-aid.

Recently (okay, last month), after having lost my voice due to a nasty cold, I was reading Chloe a bedtime story.  At one point she interrupted me to say, "Mommy, I think your other voice is prettier." 

And here's an example of how Chloe's negotiation tactics have rubbed off on her brother.  The other week while in the car just after picking Chloe up from school, she proceeded to grab an apple slice out of her unfinished lunch pail.

Ryan: "Can I have an apple?"
Chloe: "Yeah, you can have one.  But just one, okay?"
Ryan: "How 'bout five?"

Here are some of the words exchanged during a recent Sunday dinner.

Ryan: "Hey, I have a big idea!  Let's turn the lights out and then use a flashlight to see!"
Chloe (raising her hand): "I'm gonna use a bone in my eyeball to see!  Bahahaahahah!"
Chloe was laughing hysterically at herself, which naturally prompted her brother to do the same.  A few minutes later, completely out of the blue, Ryan asked, "Can I be Superman for Christmas?"

Then finally, after telling the kids they could each have a popsicle if they finished their dinner, Chloe, while shaking her head and looking down at her food, said, "Here goes!"

I can't say enough how much I adore being a mother.  Sometimes I miss the easier days of having one child to care for - a child who was not old enough to be in school, and who just hung out with me at home each day.  There are certainly happy moments from that simple time in my life which I'll never forget and always cherish.  But even with how chaotic, exhausting and sometimes out-of-control my life has become these recent months, I wouldn't change any of it.  It's been just another stepping stone toward learning to do away with the less important so I can focus on the most important.

Turkey trot, turkey bowl and just plain turkey...

About a month ago, my friend, Misty invited me to run the Modesto Turkey Trot with her.  It's a 5k run/walk that Modesto Junior College hosts each year on Thanksgiving.  Without hesitation I signed up, thinking it was the perfect solution to getting my derriere in gear since lately I have been a less-than-dedicated runner.

There was a mix up with the time, and until Tuesday, I had 8am in my head.  It seemed perfect, allowing Neil enough time to bring the kids and cheer me on before heading to his "turkey bowl" at 9.  Unfortunately I learned on Tuesday that the race didn't actually begin until 9:30!  Seriously?!  I know Neil would have dropped football to come watch me if I'd asked him to, but I couldn't bring myself to deny him the enjoyment of getting dirty on the field with his boys.  After all, it's something he looks forward to annually,and considering the events of last year's game, I felt that he was especially deserving of a happy experience this go around. 

Here I am on the porch, ready to rock 'n roll in my cheesy shirt.  Initially I was regretful about having paid $5 for the silly thing, but Neil, who always looks on the bright side pointed out that it was my first race, therefore the shirt was an absolute necessity.  :)  Notice Ryan representin' my Niners.  Too bad they didn't deliver that afternoon.

The start of the race was crazy chaos, and Misty and I were about trampled.  Things quickly thinned out as several people ran ahead of us and several fell behind.  We kept a good pace for the first two miles and I felt surprisingly energized.  I think we carried on a full conversation for at least the first mile and a half, which I never thought I could do.  Around mile 2.3 I started to feel like I might die, but a slight burst of energy (and I mean slight) hit me around 2.8 and I was okay until the final stretch when it all became mind over matter.  Even seeing the finish line didn't push me to go faster like I thought it would.  By that point my legs felt so weak and jiggly, that all I could do was tell myself to keep going.  I had to laugh when I crossed the finish line and saw the clock.  Going into this I had both a hope and a goal in mind.  My hope wasn't realistic and very unlikely, but my goal was within reason and very possible.  Well, as expected, I did not fulfill my hope.  But I did reach my goal with about 20 seconds to spare.  And that was good enough for me.  I checked the results page the following morning but didn't see my name anywhere, so I'm wondering if my number was covered up as I crossed the finish line and the camera therefore couldn't identify me.  Oh well.  3.1 miles really isn't far at all, and compared to you crazy marathoners who read my blog, I'm sure the above paragraph sounds pretty pitiful.  Nevertheless, I'm really proud of myself and would definitely be interested in doing another race in the future.  I'm by no means pumped to try for even a half marathon, but a 10k doesn't sound too unreasonable.

Here we are after the race, looking oh-so-gorgeous!  We ran side by side the entire way.  I loved having Misty with me.  She was such a great distraction and truly made it go by so much faster than if I'd ran it alone.  I think I may be in the beginning stages of understanding the concept of a running buddy.  I still prefer doing it solo, but I am definitely open to running with Misty again any time!  She actually did this 5k last Thanksgiving, 5 months pregnant.  What a girl!

When I got home I ran next door to relieve my neighbor, Christie, who had my kids.  Within twenty minutes Neil and Richie got home from their turkey bowl.  And I am pleased to announce there were no broken fingers this year!  From what they said it was an awesome turn out.  They had four teams of eight with two games going at a time.  Richie's team won two games, including the championship, so he earned a trophy.  Neil's team, on the other hand, won one game and did not earn a trophy.  Luckily, Richie was nice enough to allow Neil to be in the picture.  :)

Neil was so quick to take off his obnoxiously bright yellow knee high socks, claiming they were soaking wet (boohoo), that I was unable to get a picture.  It's really too bad because they were the epitome of picture worthy, and easily the same pair of socks he's worn to every turkey bowl for the last ten years at least, so you can imagine the magnificence of which I speak.  In place of the hideous(ly awesome) socks are Neil's (crap) slippers, which are covered in paint and falling apart.  Not quite as classy but close.  Richie was sporting his wife's girly slippers, and literally had just taken his shoes off and slipped these on when I asked to take their picture.  While it all seemed like a pure coincidence I'm now wondering if they planned it out this way beforehand.

It was a really nice (and active) Thanksgiving morning.  I am thankful for great friends who made it even more fun for both Neil and me.  We have been very fortunate in the friend department since moving to Ripon.

Early that same afternoon, we headed over to the Ivers', a family we know from church.  Tammy is the second counselor in the Young Women's presidency and so we work closely together in our callings.  She invited us last minute and while I was prepared to cook our own little feast at home, we accepted with gratitude.  We had a nice time, ate well and hung around until halftime of the 49ers game.  On our way home we stopped at Toby and Tami's (also very last minute) and ate pie while the kids played for a few minutes.  It was a great day from start to finish.

In keeping with the Thanksgiving spirit, I asked each of the kids to tell me what they were thankful for.  Chloe said, "I'm thankful for flowers, my blanket, my family and my whole house!"  Ryan said, simply, "Elephants!"  So profound.  My silly, sweet children.  I love them to the moon and back times infinity.



They were watching a movie together yesterday morning and I suddenly caught them cuddling and had to capture it. Naturally once they saw the camera the calm and sweet turned to rowdy and silly.

"Gratitude can transform common days into Thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings." - William Arthur Ward

It has been a rewarding experience this month taking more time than usual to ponder the many reasons I am thankful. It has been humbling to recognize that the things that make me the happiest often seem "routine" and "ordinary," but truly are the biggest, most significant things.  Love my life, and am so thankful for it.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Beautiful Heartbreak

I saw a link to this video on Facebook this morning and was deeply touched. I'm sure part of it stems from seeing Hilary Weeks and Mariama Kallon at Time Out For Women in March. But aside from those connections, this song really spoke to me.  It conveys many truths about trials and how they can actually become some of life's greatest blessings.  Beautiful words; beautiful voice; beautiful women.  Love it all.  I needed this today. 

To read about my TOFW experience, including Hilary's and Mariama's words of inspiration, go here and here.

The calm before the storm

I can't sleep, so here I am.  What's ironic is that I'm utterly exhausted, but my mind is on overload and I just can't seem to find the "off" switch. It dawned on me today that Halloween is one week from tomorrow. What?  My brother's birthday, which was two days ago, totally crept up on me, too. I knew it was on Friday, but even on Thursday, Friday, the 21st seemed at least a week away. And yet, it was only a day away!  Lately, just in general, I've felt as though I'm just skidding by, rushing from one thing to the next, feeling relieved that I've gotten one task behind me only to realize I have four more waiting for me.  There is always laundry to be folded, sticky floors to be wiped, a grocery list to be checked off, a bill to be paid, an appointment to be made, and an "owie" to be bandaged.  Meanwhile all the stuff I want to be working on like my blog, Lake Powell pictures,  last summer's (as in a year ago) Utah trip pictures, even just laying on the couch for 25 minutes keeps getting pushed further and further aside.  With Chloe starting school in August I thought life would get less hectic, but it's actually become the opposite.  I was so relieved for Fall break, both for the sake of "the break" itself and, much more so, Chloe being around.  And yet it felt more like a matter of hours, not days.  It truly amazes me just how quickly the time is passing.  How is it nearly the end of October already?  And how are we a full month into Fall?  And when is it going to actually start feeling like Fall?  On Saturday we took a bike ride to the park around 3pm.  I don't know why I bothered putting a jacket on.  Perhaps I was subconsciously hoping it would be cool outside.  Of course it wasn't cool.  Not even remotely.  It's amazing to live in a climate where 85 degrees on a mid-October afternoon is the norm.  Meanwhile Colorado Springs got their first snow of the season two weekends ago.  Oh, bother.  Maybe by Christmas it will start to feel like Fall around here.

Wow, talk about a long, jumbled paragraph!  Sorta represents how I've been feeling lately!  While we're on the subject, here's the chaos I have to look forward to in the coming weeks:

• October 31st: Halloween.  This will entail finishing putting together costumes, photographing Chloe's classroom Halloween party, and all the other Halloween jazz.
  
  
• October 31st-November 4th: Chloe is "Star Student of the Week." This means she and I will be putting together a display of some kind for the "Star Student of the Week" wall (most likely photos of her and her family, drawings or other art projects she might like to share as well as any other information about her), and providing 5 days worth of snacks for 29 kids.
  
  
• November 9th: Ryan's 3rd birthday.  Neil and I made a decision this year that the kids would have parties every other year on their even birthdays.  This way I'll only have one birthday party to plan each year.  Maybe that's harsh, but it is what it is.  It's what I can handle and it's what I can afford.  Perhaps if the kids' birthdays were spaced out a little further, and not BOTH landing a short month before Christmas, I'd have a slightly different view.  But I think it's fair.  And aside from that, having a party every year is not necessary to making a birthday special.  There are so many other fun things you can do as a family that are simple and inexpensive.  Last year on Chloe's birthday I took her to see Toy Story 3 in the dollar theater and she thought it was the greatest thing ever.  The guy at the concession counter even gave us free popcorn and drinks in honor of the special occasion.  Okay, sorry.  I'm getting off track here.  So there will NOT be a party for Ryan this year, however, there are still birthday plans to be made such as gift ideas, celebration planning, and coordinating clothes for birthday photos.  The latter of the three, in my opinion, gives me the biggest headache.  But once I find that perfect outfit, I'll be glad I went to the trouble of searching.
  
  
• November 17th: Chloe's 6th birthday.  Since this is an even birthday, Chloe will be having a party.  While I am looking forward to it, I'm also stressing about planning and such.  She wants a super girl themed party, and I really want to make both her and Ryan super hero capes.  It's their favorite thing to play together these days, and I'm afraid dish towels will only do for so long.  :)  They actually make them work quite well, but I know they will absolutely love having capes with their initial embroidered on the back, especially being homemade from their mama.  So that's on my to-do list for the two of them.  Aside from that, there's of course the party planning, classroom treat planning, and, again, searching for that perfect outfit.  I really want to take some nice pictures of both of the kids this year.  I didn't even end up doing birthday pictures last year because I was in such a funk from our recent move and having terrible back pain.  I feel bad but I figure they have more candid-every-day shots than they'll ever know what to do with, so they can't complain too much.  :)
  
  
• Mid-November: Young Women in Excellence.  This is an annual program the young women leaders put together for the 12-17 year old girls at church.  Luckily there are seven leaders to divide up the work, but there will still be something of significance for each one of us.  Just one more thing to add to the list.  Thankfully I love my calling, so it will be an enjoyable task.  And as of today, I now have eight Beehives.  We had one come in last Sunday and another this Sunday.  It's fun having such a big group, and I really couldn't ask for better girls.
  
  
• November 24th: Thanksgiving.  At this point we have no plans, and I love it.  I would be perfectly content keeping it that way and enjoying a simple, quiet dinner at home, but also fine going somewhere.  We'll see.  Either way, I will be making it a point to remind Neil to watch his fingers if he decides to play football with the boys!
  
  
•  November 25th: Black Friday.  Last year is the first I'd ever partaken of the Black Friday craze.  I set my alarm for 4am and was standing outside Target's doors at 4:30.  I got what I'd planned to, but I'm still not sure if it was worth all the trouble (or lack of sleep).  I'm still undecided on my plans for this year.  I'll just have to see what kind of deals are out there and how tired I'm feeling the night before.  :)
  
  
• December 25th: Christmas.  I'm sure there are plenty of things that will fill up my calendar between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but as of right now it looks fairly manageable.  As for Christmas plans, we are going to just stick around here.  Neil and I really like the idea of staying home for Christmas each year so that we can build traditions and memories as our own family.  That certainly doesn't mean we're opposed to travel during the Christmas season.  At this point, however, we don't have any plans of doing so.  As for gifts, I really like the idea of doing something homemade for the kids.  You really can't beat last year's "homemade" gifts.  Neil definitely rocked it.  Er, I mean, Santa!  I'm thinking of making the kids something like a tent/reading nook or a simple puppet show theater.  It's all based on what the kids are loving these days, so we'll continue to see what they enjoy, but those are two thoughts right now.

None of this, of course, includes Chloe's ballet lessons every Tuesday afternoon, or her Christmas singing program practices, which begin the first week in November, or piano lessons, which will probably start about that same time, not to mention mutual activities and lessons, playgroups and all the other daily and weekly things I get to stay on top of.  And with some recent changes to Neil's job, plus a new calling, which I'll write about in a separate post, we've been seeing a lot less of him. 

Well this has turned out to be much longer than I'd expected or planned.  I'd better get back to bed.  Tomorrow is the beginning of another week, and while I don't have too much on my calendar as of yet, I know the storm is about to hit.  Thankfully my house is relatively clean and picked up (always a great way to start off a new week).  I'm really excited about the upcoming Holidays, despite what may have seemed like a whole lot of complaining.  Sometimes I think of how nice it would be if the kids' birthdays weren't BOTH in November.  I mean, truly, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are enough to make any mom's life crazy, let alone throwing two birthdays into the mix!  It's okay though.  I'm lucky to have two healthy kids, and all I can do is laugh about them being so close together.  At least Ryan wasn't born on his due date, which would have put their birthdays a single day apart.  Ha!  How would that be?

As my mom recently said, after rattling off her many 'To-Dos,' "HOW does it happen that I get so far behind? Guess I just have a rich, full life!"   I'd much rather have a "rich, full life!" that's hectic and sometimes overwhelming than a dull, boring life that requires little of me.  Thanks, Mom, for once again putting things into perspective for me. 

What I loved about today

Waking up to happy children.

Fall weather, complete with a few evening raindrops.  Finally.

Chloe earning a RED at school.

Neil walking through the door in his cute blue scrubs after being away all night and a good part of today.

Pumpkins lining the grocery store front.

Overhearing Chloe in the bathroom with the door shut singing just loud enough for me to hear, "Bayba, bayba, bayba, ohhhhh; bayba, bayba, bayba, ohhhhh!" Apparently five isn't too young to have "Bieber fever."

These two.

Need I say more?

Watching the kids hang on monkey bars and hunt for dandelions at the park.

Chicken noodle soup simmering in the crock pot.

Chloe's enthusiasm while eating said soup: "Oh my goodness!  Mom!  Thank you!  It's not even yuck!  It's yum!"

Finishing off a pretty perfect day with a bag of kettle corn, two mugs of hot apple spice, the season premiere of my favorite show, and a husband with whom to share it all.

Happy accident

My body is exhausted and yet my heart is ready to explode.  As much as I want to share with you right now the many things I gained and loved from General Conference this weekend, I'm instead going to share a quick experience I had this afternoon and save the rest for later.

It was a particularly busy weekend and due to various commitments, we were only able to watch the morning sessions of General Conference.  This afternoon we had a birthday party in Pleasanton and had to leave the house around 2.  We drove separate cars because Neil, who is working in San Jose tomorrow decided to stay the night in Pleasanton to give him a head start on his morning commute.  When it was time for us to leave, he offered to take the kids in my car (score!) which left me with his car.  I always enjoy driving his little Jetta.  It's a lot zippier than my Altima, with it's fancy turbo engine and sixth gear, not to mention the fact that it has an iPod jack - a feature my "old" '06 Altima lacks.  Naturally when given the opportunity to drive Neil's car, especially alone, I take full advantage, and today was no exception.  I was almost past Manteca, having just turned on one of my favorite songs when, without warning, my phone went dead.  It's done this to me a handful of times in the last few weeks and I can't explain why.  But almost as quickly as it turned off, it came right back on again.  Slightly annoyed, a thought suddenly came to me. 

"Hey, self.  It's 2:18pm.  General Conference is only an hour in.  Why not ditch your plan of listening to music and instead turn on what really matters!  You have that capability, after all!" 

And this is true.  When Neil upgraded his Droid a few months ago, I inherited his "old" Droid and was then officially welcomed into the 3g world.  It's a scary world, I'll admit, but oh so convenient.  And I'd say today I was more grateful for that convenience than ever before!  It hadn't occurred to me to try turning Conference on until my music turned off.  When I hopped onto lds.org and clicked "view live session," BAM, there it was.  Over the speakers came the familiar voice of Quentin L. Cook, offering a much more uplifting message than any song stored in my phone could have offered. 

As I drove through the windmills along 580, it struck me suddenly how far technology has come.  That I could drive in my car while listening to the Apostles of our church speak to me LIVE was just beyond my imagination!  What a gift!  Now in a world where technology seems to be improving by the hour this experience may seem small and insignificant.  After all, the ability to watch Conference (or just about anything) on one's phone has been possible for a couple years now, right?  But it was the happiest accident I'd stumbled upon in a long time and, I believe, an inspired one.  Cook's talk was beautiful and in it he shared one of my favorite scriptures, which is Doctrine Covenants 122:7.  It gives such an incredible depiction of what Joseph Smith faced shortly before his death, and offers a powerful perspective on trials in general.  You think you have it bad?  Read this scripture!  And then take heart in its comforting conclusion that our trials give us experience and are for our good.

Following Cook's talk, President Thomas S. Monson, our prophet concluded the session with some words of comfort to the church members.  Of the things he said, here is what I loved most:

"I love you.  I pray for you.  I would ask once again that you would remember me and all the general authorities in your prayers.  We are one with you in moving this marvelous work.  I testify to you that we are all in this together and that every man, women and child has a part to play.  May God give us the strength and the ability and the determination to play our part well..."

"...I leave with you my witness and my testimony that God our eternal father lives and loves us. He is indeed our father and He is personal and real.  May we realize and understand how close to us He is willing to come; how far He is willing to go to help us; how much He loves us and how much He does and is willing to do for us. May He bless you.  May His promise of peace be with you now and always."

General Conference is a beautiful concept.  It gives members of the church an opportunity to pause from the chaos and confusion of life twice a year to come hear inspired men and women of God teach, comfort and offer guidance.  I certainly gained a lot from the short amount of Conference I was able to see and hear this weekend, and my "happy accident" experience is one I'll certainly never forget.

Taking a break

I have so many things on my mind and in my heart that I want to write about.  Oh, time.  Why do you keep slipping away from me?  I have 3 photography sessions I'm trying to finish and then I'm taking a break from business.  I'm feeling burnt out and ready to focus on some things that have been gathering dust in my personal life.  There are many advantages to running a business and I count myself fortunate for the opportunities and experiences I've had.  But lately the stress and workload has overpowered the joy and satisfaction, so I'm putting things on hold for a little while. 

Here's something to tide you over while I finish what I started. 

Nothin' like emptying your bladder into the warm sands of Lake Powell while enjoying a lollipop!

And here are some upcoming posts you can look forward to:

• Labor Day weekend festivities (balloon fest, rafting, & ward temple day)
• Chloe's first ballet lesson
• September birthdays
• September anniversaries
• The many ways Ryan entertains himself while Chloe's at school
• Lake Powell
• My parents' visit
• The Primary program
• Ripon observations (in celebration of our one-year mark in CA)

And that just covers September.  Stay tuned... I'll be back soon!

Hello, thirty.

Last Wednesday, the 24th of August, at 3:56pm, I officially bid my twenties farewell.

It's ironic that the last year of my life has been the most significant yet. On a handful of occasions I've referred to it as "my year", in fact. Despite the many challenges I've faced, however, I've grown leaps and bounds, and gained a new level of empathy, patience and acceptance for the inevitable. It certainly has been a time to grow. No need to get mushy though. It's been a wonderful week and I've had a blast celebrating. In light of that, I thought it would be fun to post a birthday interview to document who I am right now. Thirty is a milestone, after all, and I think it's worth making a tiny fuss over. So here is probably way more than you ever wanted to know about me.

AS OF 24 AUGUST 2011:

Favorite thing to eat:
I'm on a major caprese salad kick. We have two tomato plants outside that finally started producing cherry tomatoes a couple weeks ago. Between those and my sweet cousin's amazing vegetable garden close by, there has been an abundance of tomatoes around here. I've also managed to keep my basil plant alive this year, which is a first for me. Now add a little fresh mozzarella, red onion, and a sweet balsamic vinegar concoction and you've got a tasty (and eye-pleasing) treat. What's really funny is I've hated tomatoes my whole life, until about a year ago.   

Favorite TV shows:
House, M.D. and Criminal Minds.  Also love How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, SNL and So You Think You Can Dance.  We still watch The Office, but I think it's going downhill.

Favorite movies:
Oceans Eleven has for years been my favorite. And among many others, I'm a real sucker for make ya feel goods like The Blind Side, August Rush, Radio, Rudy, and The Pursuit of Happyness. I also try to watch A&E's Pride and Prejudice every few years, though I still haven't talked Neil into watching it with me. I also love many old movies and find the dialogue to be refreshing and insightful. So many movies today lack good dialogue.

Actors I love:
Vince Vaughn - my absolute fav. He's the kind of actor who seems to just play himself. He's so natural and real. I think he'd be a really cool guy to hang out with at a BBQ.
Jack Black - again, hilarious and real. Love his quirky, eccentric nature.
Matt Damon - great actor and ridiculously good looking.
Justin Timberlake - really could care less about his music, but think he's an incredible actor. And as a longtime SNL viewer and fan, I also think he is by far the best host they've had.
Clark Gable - the epitome of "tall, dark and handsome." Loved him in It Happened One Night.
Paul Newman - maybe part of the reason I've always loved him is because he reminds me of Neil. Aside from his amazing talent as an actor, he was also a family man. I respect and love him for it.
Daniel Craig & Ryan Reynolds - hottness at its finest!

Actresses I love:
Reese Witherspoon - love her cute and sassy nature. She plays her roles very well too.
Kate Winslet - I find her endearing, sweet and very down-to-earth. I also love her accent.
Joan Cusak - love her voice!!
Kristen Wiig - so funny! One of the best cast members SNL has ever had. Target lady? Genius!
Ellen Degeneres - absolutely hilarious!  Love her.
Katharine Hepburn - love the sassy roles she played, especially in Bringing Up Baby.
Kate Beckinsale - quite possibly the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes on.

Musical artists I love:
I'm pretty well rounded when it comes to music.
Diana Krall, who's not only an incredibly talented singer and pianist, but a down to earth wife and mother to twin boys. It's rare to find such qualities in a celebrity these days.
Other favorites include The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Sergei Rachmoninov (composer and pianist), John Mayer, Muse, Coldplay, Radiohead and some of the older classics like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Bobby Darin, Ella Fitzgerald and the Beatles. I guess it's the stuff you hear from your youth that often sticks with ya.

Songs I'm loving:
"Hello" (Martin Solveig & Dragonette), "Strawberry Swing" (Coldplay), "Good Life" (OneRepublic), and "Starlight" (Muse).

Favorite Christmas song:
"Winter Wonderland."  Also love Dean Martin's "Marshmallow World."  No one sings that song like Dean.  That recording brings back tender memories of childhood Christmases.

Favorite church apostle:
Among the many amazing ones out there, Jeffrey R. Holland is probably my very favorite.

Favorite hymn:
I have many! "Lord, I Would Follow Thee," "Where Can I Turn For Peace?," "Battle Hymn of the Republic," "The Lord is my Shepherd," "Joseph Smith's First Prayer," "Love at Home," and "The Spirit of God" are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Powerful words and melodies. I usually can't get through any one of these without getting choked up.

Favorite primary song:
"I Know Heavenly Father Loves Me."

Favorite scripture story:
Joseph Smith's first vision and the events that followed. This last year especially I have grown to love and cherish the Doctrine and Covenants. So many treasures there!

Current church calling:
Beehive advisor (for the third time in nine years).

A calling I would enjoy:
Relief Society teacher.

Favorite holiday:
Thanksgiving. It lands during my favorite season, the food is always amazing, the football is awesome, and you can't beat spending time with family! I think another reason I love Thanksgiving is because it's sort of the kick off to the Christmas season. Rest assured, I never get my Christmas decor out until after Thanksgiving has passed.

Favorite candy:
Chewy Sprees! Also love Hot Tamales, Red Vines, and Peanut M&Ms. Definitely prefer fruity over chocolaty.

Guilty pleasures:
Coke or Pepsi.  I drink way too much of it. Sushi is another. I literally can't get enough and am always in the mood. Pioneer Woman's chocolate sheet cake - so terribly tasty.  I only make it once or twice a year for a reason.

Favorite smells:
Tide with a hint of Downy - I could sit and smell a bottle of that stuff all day long. Fresh rain. Vanilla and Harvest scented candles. Pampers Swaddlers - I know that's weird, but they have such a clean, new baby scent, and totally take me back to those first days.

Places I'd love to go:
I am a real homebody so honestly, the idea of traveling isn't a must for me. There are a few places I'd love to see before I die though. New Orleans is one of them, as strange as that may be. I'd also love to travel Europe, see Jane Austen's house, and visit Bern, Switzerland from where my paternal grandmother and her family came when she was only eleven.

What I want to be when I grow up:
The same thing I've always wanted to be: a wife and mother. I am living the dream, and I mean that with all sincerity.

Things I both love and hate:
Running - hate doing it, love the liberation that follows.
The Pottery Barn - love their stuff, hate their prices.
Pinterest - the ultimate time sucker! I will say I have found some excellent and useful ideas and recipes there. It really is an incredible tool and offers an efficient way to archive some of your favorite things. I've just had to learn to practice some serious restraint!

Biggest pet peeves:
Forgive my candor, but I have quite a few.
Bad grammar! Don't even get me started.
Not giving credit where credit is due.Twice I have seen my photos on another person's blog with no permission or mention of me, and I've seen it happen to other photographers countless times as well. This is why I've started watermarking my personal photos in addition to my professional ones. It isn't that I care if people use them. Nor am I trying to say I think my photos are exceptional and deserve praise. It's just principle! If you're going to share someone else's work on your blog, social network page or anywhere for that matter, take the extra two seconds to include their name! And it wouldn't hurt to ask their permission first, too!
Bad drivers. Some people just shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel.
Flakiness/not following through. If you've committed yourself to something, do it! If you can't or won't do it, don't commit in the first place! It's quite simple. And if you borrow something, give it back! Don't make me ask for it! Drives me nuts!
Phoniness. I don't want candy coated, I want real!
Disrespect/sense of entitlement.This mainly applies to the youth of today, but unfortunately I've seen it among adults as well.
Noisy/inconsiderate neighbors. I don't tolerate noise well, especially when it disrupts the peace and quiet in my home. Whether it be someone blasting their stereo or talking loudly, if I can hear it inside my house with my windows shut, I'm probably going to make a fuss over it!

Greatest weaknesses:
I'm indecisive, lack patience, am an extreme perfectionist and a terrible procrastinator. Wow, that really doesn't paint a very pretty picture, does it?

Greatest insecurity:
My teeth. Hate them. Ugh! Braces, someday.

Greatest strengths:
I am compassionate and care deeply for the important people in my life, probably much more than they know. I also have the ability to recognize God's simple beauties. I am passionate about and easily moved by these things, and I'm grateful for this sensitivity. The world is so much more pleasant when you can surround yourself with lovely things that fulfill you. Sometimes I feel like I'm a young person with an old soul because of how deeply I appreciate and feel like I can understand certain things. Whether it be music, art, poetry, or dance, when I am moved by it, you know it. I really hope I can pass this same sense of passion, recognition and appreciation down to my children, not just so they'll learn to love some of the things I love, but because I know it can bring them joy and fulfillment as well.

The things I value most:
Being a daughter of God, a wife and a mother. Neil, Chloe and Ryan. Spending time with my family, extended families and close friends. Family history, including old and current photos, journaling and other special things documented. My parents' and in-laws' wisdom, knowledge and testimony of gospel truths as well as my own testimony and the sacred things in my heart.

A few of my favorite things:
Big tall trees, renovated homes in charming old neighborhoods, Bath and Bodywork's anti-bacterial soap, Target, Nike dri-fit gear, the Fall season, creme brulee, ballet, The Pioneer Woman, blasting an awesome song in the car while driving alone, polka dots and scalloped edges, writing, blogging, caramel corn, flag banners, classic Christmas music, cooking and baking, long, meaningful talks with loved ones, tasteful crafts, 49ers and LSU football, Pandora radio, the house in the movie Father of the Bride, Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, rain, rottweilers and bulldogs, family bike rides, Briannas salad dressings (haven't tried a flavor I don't love), white kitchen cabinets and dark wood floors, McDonald's fries, Lay's kettle cooked jalapeno potato chips, Baskin Robbin's daiquiri ice, C.S. Lewis, photography, old family photos, avacados, vintage fabric, and a good laugh. Just to name a few.

What I hope to accomplish in the coming year:
Build even stronger relationships with my children. Read to them more. Talk to them more. Relish my time with them more. Scrapbook and journal more. Get my photos organized once and for all. Print my blog into books. Read, study and know my scriptures better. Relax and not stress so much. Get back on a normal running/exercise schedule and stick to it. Call my grandma more frequently.  Take part in a flash mob.  Plant and maintain a nice fruit and vegetable garden. Be more kind to others. Go to bed earlier. Organize a family tree on a wall in my house consisting of old family photos, new family photos, and special quotes/sayings by family members who have passed on. Be happy, smile and laugh lots.

Wow, that took forever, didn't it?!

-----

I had a great birthday week.  On Wednesday (my actual birthday), my cute friend, Brittney threw a birthday brunch for our friend Tina, who celebrated her birthday the 26th, and me.  Brittney, Tina and I went to TOFW together back in March and see each other a fair amount given the nature of our callings in YW.  I will forever hold a special place in my heart for Tina, who reached out to me the first Sunday we went to church here.  It was fun being the birthday girls together.

Neil thought he was going to have to go to Bakersfield Wednesday afternoon, so we had planned to celebrate my birthday another day, but he found out late Tuesday that he did not have to go after all.  So we snuck out for dinner that evening, leaving the kids with our next door neighbors.  When we came home, we sat outside and chatted for a while while the kiddos played. 

{With next door neighbors, Gabby and Ariana.  Love these girls.}

My cute friend, Janea dropped by some cupcakes while we were still outside, which finished off the day just right, not to mention all the texts, phone calls and facebook messages I had received throughout the day.

On Thursday, my friends Tami and Lorilee took me out for sushi.  Misty was going to come but got sick at the last minute, which I was really bummed about.  I kinda like that friend of mine.  It was fun to get away for an hour and a half and enjoy some girl time.  I've never really been a big "girls night out" kinda gal, but these 3 ladies make it really easy to love the concept.  I'm anxious for Tami's birthday in November so we'll have an excuse to go out again.  She'll also be celebrating the big 3-0!

Just when I thought birthday festivities were over, I was invited to yet another birthday lunch on Friday that another lady from the ward arranged for all the August birthday girls at church.  There were six of us total, so an intimate little group, but just perfect.  I am really amazed and touched by the generous nature of the women I go to church with.  They inspire me more than they know.

{Top left: the birthday girls holding up our bracelets that our friend, Alex made for us; top right: birthday brunch crew - me, Tina, Kathy, Alex, Amber, Kaylene and Belinda - all ladies from church; bottom left: Tami (with her cute little baby girl bump), Lorilee and me (we missed you, Misty!); bottom right: just a glance at the number of cards and treats I received from loved ones.}

So far thirty feels pretty good. Thanks for everyone who contributed to my very happy birthday.

Paragraph missing... and a few more thoughts

I was just glancing at the post I published late last night and noticed a paragraph was missing.  Oops.  Not sure how that happened because I know I wrote it.  Anyway, if you've read the post (which I don't expect many have because it's long and void of pictures), and wondered if something was off or missing, you are correct!  It's the paragraph starting with, "Not two days later..." that was inadvertently removed.  Sorry about that. 

I also had an afterthought, which I might as well share now since I'm going to the trouble of writing this post anyway.  There is a particular scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 121 that has brought me comfort in recent months as I have tackled the various challenges of parenting with patience, and which greatly applies here.  Section 121 consists of prophecies written by Joseph Smith when he was in Liberty Jail, specifically, the responsibilities and attributes of the Priesthood.  Many prophets and other church authorities have referenced this section and have dissected some of its verses in great detail. 

41: No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only be persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
42: By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile--
43: Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
44: That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.
45: Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
46: The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.

These words so beautifully describe the attributes that holders of the Priesthood should seek and practice, as well as parents.  Verse 43 in particular hits hard every time I read it.  We are human, and as parents we sometimes lack patience and tolerance.  We react on impulse and allow outside frustrations to influence our temper and the manner in which we discipline our children.  That's not to say our children don't need to be corrected, sometimes in a sharp, firm manner.  But just as we should scold them (sensitively) when necessary, we should also show "an increase of love" afterwards.  This is so hard to do sometimes when we may not feel so warm and fuzzy inside, but so imperative for the sake of our children and our relationships with them.  Truly, the way we act around and treat our children is the way they will learn to act around and treat others. 

President Gordon B. Hinckley's talk, Behold Your Little Ones, from October 1978's Conference Report is just incredible and encompasses this whole idea.  I would recommend any parent read it and take heart to his wise council about raising children.

I am so grateful, amidst this crazy, evil world in which I live, to have the gospel in my life, and for the prophets, past and present, who offer guidance and comfort to members of the church.  A part of me is terrified at the thought of Chloe being out there now where I can no longer control her surroundings, encounters, experiences and friendships.  But another part of me, a bigger part of me, feels reassured that she will be just fine.  Because as her parents, Neil and I have the power and privileged to teach her every day, both by word and example.  Just as the scripture says, we have with us the Holy Ghost to help us, so long as we're living in a manner that is worthy of His presence.  Sometimes our "teaching" is unpleasant but necessary, and sometimes it's pleasant and fulfilling.  Whichever it may be, I am trying much harder to think before I react and always, no matter what, end things on a positive, loving note.  If this concept isn't enough to motivate me to be a better person then I don't know what is.

Backtracking to March: New Beginnings

In January and February I was on top of my blog, and planned (or rather, hoped) to maintain that habit for the rest of the year, but quickly fell behind around mid-March.  So here I am, attempting to get back on track and make this blog current once again. My plan (or rather, hope) is, in the coming days, to compile a post for each month, summarizing the events I've failed to share along the way from March on.  Let's see if I can do it.

On March 20th, we had our New Beginnings, which is an annual program for the young women of our church.  Because I work with the young women, I had the pleasure of taking part in the planning and execution of this year's program.  We used Jenny Phillips' Happily Ever After script, which worked beautifully.  The theme was based around President Dieter F. Uchtdorf 's April 2010 Conference address, Your Happily Ever After, and much of his talk was quoted throughout the program.  Here were my favorite bits and pieces:

"'Once upon a time' promises something: a story of adventure and romance, a story of princesses and princes.  it may include tales of courage, hope and everlasting love.  In many of these stories, nice overcomes mean and good overcomes evil.  But perhaps most of all, I love it when we turn to the last page and our eyes reach the final lines and we see the enchanting words "And they lived happily ever after."  Isn't that what we all desire: to be the heroes and heroines of our own stories; to triumph over adversity; to experience life in all its beauty; and, in the end, to live happily ever after?

"Beloved young sisters, stay true to what you know is right  Everywhere you look today, you will find promises of happiness.  Ads in magazines promise total bliss if you will only buy a certain outfit, shampoo, or makeup.  Certain media productions glamorize those who embrace evil or who give in to base instincts.  Often these same people are portrayed as models of success and accomplishment.  In a world where evil is portrayed as good and good as evil, sometimes it is difficult to know the truth . . . We all search for happiness, and we all try to find our own 'happily ever after.' The truth is, God knows how to get there!  And He has created a map for you; He knows the way . . . All you have to do is trust your Heavenly Father.  Trust Him enough to follow His plan."  - Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Your Happily Ever After, April Conference 2010)

Modesty:

"You girls go and find the modest clothes and wear them, make them as beautiful as you can and be attractive and make up to your boyfriends in bright intellect and sweet spirit and attractive demeanor that which some girls can only do with their bodies.  It is a pretty weak girl if she has only her body to attract somebody . . . Any young woman who conducts herself so as to be attractive spiritually, mentally, and physically, but will not by word, nor dress, nor act stir or stimulate to physical reactions, she is a jewel." - Spencer W. Kimball (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pg. 285)

The need for adversity:

"We sometimes wonder: if the plan really is the great plan of happiness, why must we struggle to find the fullness of it in mortal life?

If you expect to find only ease and peace and bliss during Act II [mortality], you surely will be frustrated.  You will understand little of what is going on and why things are permitted to be as they are. 

Remember this!  The line "And they lived happily ever after" is never written in the second act.  That line belongs in the third act when the mysteries are solved and everything is put right." - Boyd K. Packer (Mine Errand from the Lord, pg. 3)

"For a moment, think back about your favorite fairy tale.  In that story the main character may be a princess or a peasant; she might be a mermaid or a milkmaid, a ruler or a servant.  You will find one thing all have in common: they must overcome adversity. . .  In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn ourselves.  Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way.  Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy.

In our pursuit to reach 'happily ever after' we will inevitably face trials and adversity.  We will also face our own weaknesses.  We need strength beyond ourselves to make the journey.  That is why our Heavenly Father sent His Son Jesus Christ to be our Savior.  When the forests fill with darkness, and the wolves seek our souls, when we have lost our way, or when we feel we just can't go on, we can rely on the strength of the Lord.

'Happily ever after' is not something found only in fairy tales.  You can have it!  It is available for you!  But you must follow your Heavenly Father's map. 

Sisters, please embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ!  Learn to love your Heavenly Father with all your heart, might, and mind.  Fill your souls with virtue, and love goodness.  Always strive to bring our the best in yourself and others . . . You are truly royal spirit daughters of Almighty God.  You are princesses, destined to become queens.  Your own wondrous story has already begun.  Your "once upon a time" is now."  - Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Your Happily Ever After, April Conference 2010)

I absolutely loved this whole concept about how we write our own story.  Uchtdorf is brilliant.  I just adore the man, and was so happy that the entire program was based on his wonderful talk.

Here are a few pictures...

That's my wedding dress on the far left.

I was in charge of the food.

Here are (most of) our wonderful young women!

I have never been in as much love with a group of young girls as I am with this group of young girls. They are a strong bunch, and I am continuously impressed by the things they say and the choices they make.

All in all it was a perfect evening.  The program was uplifting and inspiring, and I think the leaders benefited from it as much as the girls did.  It's always nice to be reminded of the simple truths we teach about week after week.  After all, we are still writing our stories of "happily ever after."