Friday Funnies

Birth Order of Children
A slight exaggeration perhaps, but still pretty funny...
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- Pregnancy -
1st child: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd child: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd child: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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- Preparing for the Birth -
1st child: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd child: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd child: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
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-The Layette -
1st child: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd child: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd child: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
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- Worries -
1st child: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd child: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd child: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
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- Pacifier -
1st child: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and sterilize it.
2nd child: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd child: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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- Diapering -
1st child: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd child: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd child: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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- Activities -
1st child: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd child: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd child: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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- Going Out -
1st child: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd child: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd child: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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- At Home -
1st child: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd child: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd child: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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- Swallowing Coins -
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush him to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!