Friday, January 18, 2008

Friday Funnies

Birth Order of Children
A slight exaggeration perhaps, but still pretty funny...
- Pregnancy -
1st child: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd child: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd child: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
- Preparing for the Birth -
1st child: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd child: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd child: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
-The Layette -
1st child: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd child: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd child: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
- Worries -
1st child: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd child: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd child: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
- Pacifier -
1st child: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and sterilize it.
2nd child: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd child: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
- Diapering -
1st child: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd child: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd child: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
- Activities -
1st child: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd child: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd child: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
- Going Out -
1st child: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd child: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd child: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
- At Home -
1st child: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd child: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd child: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
- Swallowing Coins -
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush him to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his allowance!


Anonymous said...

Valerie, I got a kick out of your Friday funnies and know that some of them are right on. So glad you and Manya live in Colorado Springs you two girls are so talented and sweet. What lucky guys Niel and David are. Hope to see you when Mike and I come out in February. Have a great weekend. I love your blog!! Vicki

Paula said...

Funny! I like your Friday Funnies idea. Check out my blog, I tagged you!