"Two pairs!"

Today was a pretty good day.  No plans really; nothing pressing; just time spent with my kids.  The weather was mild with temps in the low 80s and a lovely afternoon breeze.  Neil was out the door, headed to Sacramento by 6.  Ryan was in my room by 7, announcing he had stayed dry all night and would be receiving a star on his chart as a result.  He then crawled into bed with me and, to my surprise, fell asleep for another two and a half hours.  Both he and Chloe slept well past 9.  Apparently their six hour play date with friends yesterday wore them out big time.  Chloe got up first and the two of us headed out to the garden to check on our onions.  Ryan got up shortly thereafter and met us outside.  Then we came in and they each ate a slice of zucchini bread for breakfast.  The rest of the morning consisted of playing with legos, taking baths, practicing piano and some other miscellaneous things.  There was bickering, but it was minimal, which was a nice change.  Around lunch time, we headed to the park.  After that, it was onto the library to finish our daily outing.  We love the library.  I didn't start taking the kids there regularly until just recently and that makes me sad.  Why I wasn't taking Chloe from the time she was a toddler I haven't a clue.  I guess it just never really occurred to me.  But now that both of the kids are a little older, I suppose it's more manageable and meaningful.  Since school let out at the end of May, we've made a habit of going every couple of weeks.  We sit together and sift through potential books to check out, read a few out loud, and then each kiddo grabs a basket and fills it with some new favorites to take home.  The limit is 25 books, and today, we checked out exactly that.

This evening during dinner, I informed the kids that their dad would read them some of their new books before bed if they were good.  Chloe then asked Neil if they could each choose two books.  Neil nodded, then presented Ryan with the following question:

"Ryan, if Chloe chooses two books to read and if you choose two books to read, how many books will we read total?"

Chloe immediately raised her hand, eager to answer, but Neil shushed her and repeated the question for Ryan.  Ryan thought for a few seconds, then replied, "Two pairs!"

We chuckled.  Even though technically the answer Neil was looking for was "four," Ryan did answer the question correctly.  How he came up with "two pairs" I haven't a clue, but it sure took some creative thinking.  When Neil asked Ryan a third time, now holding up two fingers and then two more, he got it.  Although I'm sure it helped immensely that Chloe piped in with, "I'll give you a hint, Ryan!  It starts with "f" and ends with "our." 

During the remainder of dinner and before I had to go to YW, the kids happily yakked away about various things between taking bites of their chicken parmesan, which Chloe told me was "delish."  Their voices overlapped most of the time and much of what they said was silly and irrelevant, but they were each precious and endearing, pure and sweet, and at one point I put my fork down, sat back and just watched them with a smile on my face.  I love their enthusiastic little spirits.  I love their zest for life.  I love their bright and cheerful personalities.  I love their blue eyes.  I love how much they love me, how they rely on me, and how eager they are to share with me everything that matters to them.  I love that they won't let me leave them without a hug and a kiss, and how they wave goodbye to me through the kitchen door as I back out of the garage.  I love that they care about my feelings and opinions, and that when they do something that makes me sad, they too feel sad.  It isn't necessarily frequent that I just adore everything about motherhood, but today I enjoyed many good, healthy moments, and I just had to write about them here.  I was conversing with a friend this morning (while the kids still slept), and mentioned at one point how I sometimes wish I could take a blissful moment and trap it in a jar, only to be opened for a quick whiff when I need a boost.  Today was one of those days I could have easily captured and placed in a jar for a rainy day.  I really do love the life God gave me, as challenging as it sometimes is, and wouldn't trade it for anything.

Oh, and I do believe that from this point forward, I will be referring to four as "two pairs."  :)

Countdown

I first saw this the week of Mother's Day and absolutely LOVED it. It is so telling of the humble, tiresome, yet fulfilling job motherhood is.  Makes me extra grateful for my mom (and dad), for the support they were during my growing up years, and for the sacrifices they made so that I could do the things I loved.



We are so excited for the Olympics!  Only 29 days to go...

Relishing

Today is Father's Day, so naturally I've been reflecting on the many incredible men in my life.  I'll go into that more later, as well as festivities of the day, but for now, while I'm feeling this feeling, I've just gotta jot it down.

It's a quiet Sunday afternoon.  Neil's enjoying a Father's day nap, My favorite Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD is playing softly, I'm working on pictures from my Utah trip last May, and the kids are doing art projects at the table.  When "Love is Spoken Here" played a few minutes ago, Chloe sang along, remarking afterwards how much she loooved that song.  All the while, Ryan was kneeling on a chair across the table, painting his right hand (since he's left-handed) with green and blue paint, then placing his palm down on a piece of paper.  He had a smudge of blue paint on his chin and just looked absolutely darling.  Not a minute later I heard the slicing of scissors and not a minute after that, footsteps headed my way.  Then, there stood my sweet boy, proudly presenting me with a remnant of the hand print masterpiece, which was still wet with paint.  "Here, Mom!  It's a ticket to go on a train!" 

Melt.....

Simple moments like these are frequent in this house, but sometimes, for a variety of reasons, not relished to the degree they ought to be.  Distractions occur and frustrations arise.  And as a result, patience levels decrease and those sweet and joyful moments are fogged, and sometimes overlooked all together. Today, I am setting the stresses of life behind and relishing.  So grateful I am not only to be a mother, but to have been blessed with the two amazing kids who call me mother.  It truly is the simple things in life like a singing six-year-old, blue paint smudges and tickets to go on a train that hold the greatest value.

May I never forget to relish.

Funny kids and a mom who doesn't do everything...

Oh, life.  Why art thou so crazy?  Truly, I am shocked by how much busier things have become since Chloe started school.  I was so naive to think it would slow down just having one child at home with me during the day.  Now I laugh at my four-month-ago-self.  Then I look at moms of multiple children and wonder, "How?!"  How do they do it?  How do they keep up with dentist appointments, maintain a clean house, volunteer at school, build and maintain relationships with each child and ensure their individual needs are met, enforce scripture study and FHE, keep up with church callings, spend quality time with their husbands, exercise, keep milk in the fridge and meals on the table, shower daily? It especially shocks me when these moms, on top of appearing to have it all together, also manage to always look cute.  They say you just find your groove.  Well (chuckle, chuckle), I'm still looking for mine, and it's likely to take me the rest of the school year to find it.

There's no question I am my own worst critic.  I set high (and often unrealistic) expectations for myself, busting my rear to fulfill them.  And perhaps to some, I appear to have it together.  Some days I do!  But more often than not I fall short, and sometimes, in staying on top of one thing, completely neglect something else.  It's hard to find that constant balance - that "groove."  Recently I stumbled upon this quote. 

What a basic yet profound statement!  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I'm trying to do too much.  Then came another epiphany.  These moms, who have found their "groove," don't do it all.  They focus on the important things and set aside the not-so-important things, even if that means making sacrifices and stumbling along the way.  They know their limits and don't try to cram in what they know they can't handle.  I think it's when I accept that I can't do all the things I thought I could or wanted to do AND, most importantly, that that's okay, my mind is suddenly clearer, my heart lighter and my life simpler.  It reminds me a lot of this talk by Dallin H. Oaks.  I am still learning how to manage my time and responsibilities, but slowly, in changing my focus and pondering the truly important things, I'm getting there.

Speaking of important things, here's a glimpse into the recent madness of our lives.  Oh, the things they come up with. 

This morning, in attempt to convince me that he should clip my fingernails, Ryan said, "If you let me, I'll give you a stickerrrrrr!" (big emphasis on "sticker," probably in an attempt to be more persuasive)

Also this morning, while doing his bathroom business, Ryan said, "My tummy hurts." I apologized and stood with him while he continued to look adorable sitting on the toilet.  Then he said, "I need a band-aid."  I asked him where he needed a band-aid, expecting him to point to his finger or somewhere.  Instead he said, "On my tummy."  Poor kid.  He seems to be feeling better now and has not asked for another band-aid.

Recently (okay, last month), after having lost my voice due to a nasty cold, I was reading Chloe a bedtime story.  At one point she interrupted me to say, "Mommy, I think your other voice is prettier." 

And here's an example of how Chloe's negotiation tactics have rubbed off on her brother.  The other week while in the car just after picking Chloe up from school, she proceeded to grab an apple slice out of her unfinished lunch pail.

Ryan: "Can I have an apple?"
Chloe: "Yeah, you can have one.  But just one, okay?"
Ryan: "How 'bout five?"

Here are some of the words exchanged during a recent Sunday dinner.

Ryan: "Hey, I have a big idea!  Let's turn the lights out and then use a flashlight to see!"
Chloe (raising her hand): "I'm gonna use a bone in my eyeball to see!  Bahahaahahah!"
Chloe was laughing hysterically at herself, which naturally prompted her brother to do the same.  A few minutes later, completely out of the blue, Ryan asked, "Can I be Superman for Christmas?"

Then finally, after telling the kids they could each have a popsicle if they finished their dinner, Chloe, while shaking her head and looking down at her food, said, "Here goes!"

I can't say enough how much I adore being a mother.  Sometimes I miss the easier days of having one child to care for - a child who was not old enough to be in school, and who just hung out with me at home each day.  There are certainly happy moments from that simple time in my life which I'll never forget and always cherish.  But even with how chaotic, exhausting and sometimes out-of-control my life has become these recent months, I wouldn't change any of it.  It's been just another stepping stone toward learning to do away with the less important so I can focus on the most important.

The calm before the storm

I can't sleep, so here I am.  What's ironic is that I'm utterly exhausted, but my mind is on overload and I just can't seem to find the "off" switch. It dawned on me today that Halloween is one week from tomorrow. What?  My brother's birthday, which was two days ago, totally crept up on me, too. I knew it was on Friday, but even on Thursday, Friday, the 21st seemed at least a week away. And yet, it was only a day away!  Lately, just in general, I've felt as though I'm just skidding by, rushing from one thing to the next, feeling relieved that I've gotten one task behind me only to realize I have four more waiting for me.  There is always laundry to be folded, sticky floors to be wiped, a grocery list to be checked off, a bill to be paid, an appointment to be made, and an "owie" to be bandaged.  Meanwhile all the stuff I want to be working on like my blog, Lake Powell pictures,  last summer's (as in a year ago) Utah trip pictures, even just laying on the couch for 25 minutes keeps getting pushed further and further aside.  With Chloe starting school in August I thought life would get less hectic, but it's actually become the opposite.  I was so relieved for Fall break, both for the sake of "the break" itself and, much more so, Chloe being around.  And yet it felt more like a matter of hours, not days.  It truly amazes me just how quickly the time is passing.  How is it nearly the end of October already?  And how are we a full month into Fall?  And when is it going to actually start feeling like Fall?  On Saturday we took a bike ride to the park around 3pm.  I don't know why I bothered putting a jacket on.  Perhaps I was subconsciously hoping it would be cool outside.  Of course it wasn't cool.  Not even remotely.  It's amazing to live in a climate where 85 degrees on a mid-October afternoon is the norm.  Meanwhile Colorado Springs got their first snow of the season two weekends ago.  Oh, bother.  Maybe by Christmas it will start to feel like Fall around here.

Wow, talk about a long, jumbled paragraph!  Sorta represents how I've been feeling lately!  While we're on the subject, here's the chaos I have to look forward to in the coming weeks:

• October 31st: Halloween.  This will entail finishing putting together costumes, photographing Chloe's classroom Halloween party, and all the other Halloween jazz.
  
  
• October 31st-November 4th: Chloe is "Star Student of the Week." This means she and I will be putting together a display of some kind for the "Star Student of the Week" wall (most likely photos of her and her family, drawings or other art projects she might like to share as well as any other information about her), and providing 5 days worth of snacks for 29 kids.
  
  
• November 9th: Ryan's 3rd birthday.  Neil and I made a decision this year that the kids would have parties every other year on their even birthdays.  This way I'll only have one birthday party to plan each year.  Maybe that's harsh, but it is what it is.  It's what I can handle and it's what I can afford.  Perhaps if the kids' birthdays were spaced out a little further, and not BOTH landing a short month before Christmas, I'd have a slightly different view.  But I think it's fair.  And aside from that, having a party every year is not necessary to making a birthday special.  There are so many other fun things you can do as a family that are simple and inexpensive.  Last year on Chloe's birthday I took her to see Toy Story 3 in the dollar theater and she thought it was the greatest thing ever.  The guy at the concession counter even gave us free popcorn and drinks in honor of the special occasion.  Okay, sorry.  I'm getting off track here.  So there will NOT be a party for Ryan this year, however, there are still birthday plans to be made such as gift ideas, celebration planning, and coordinating clothes for birthday photos.  The latter of the three, in my opinion, gives me the biggest headache.  But once I find that perfect outfit, I'll be glad I went to the trouble of searching.
  
  
• November 17th: Chloe's 6th birthday.  Since this is an even birthday, Chloe will be having a party.  While I am looking forward to it, I'm also stressing about planning and such.  She wants a super girl themed party, and I really want to make both her and Ryan super hero capes.  It's their favorite thing to play together these days, and I'm afraid dish towels will only do for so long.  :)  They actually make them work quite well, but I know they will absolutely love having capes with their initial embroidered on the back, especially being homemade from their mama.  So that's on my to-do list for the two of them.  Aside from that, there's of course the party planning, classroom treat planning, and, again, searching for that perfect outfit.  I really want to take some nice pictures of both of the kids this year.  I didn't even end up doing birthday pictures last year because I was in such a funk from our recent move and having terrible back pain.  I feel bad but I figure they have more candid-every-day shots than they'll ever know what to do with, so they can't complain too much.  :)
  
  
• Mid-November: Young Women in Excellence.  This is an annual program the young women leaders put together for the 12-17 year old girls at church.  Luckily there are seven leaders to divide up the work, but there will still be something of significance for each one of us.  Just one more thing to add to the list.  Thankfully I love my calling, so it will be an enjoyable task.  And as of today, I now have eight Beehives.  We had one come in last Sunday and another this Sunday.  It's fun having such a big group, and I really couldn't ask for better girls.
  
  
• November 24th: Thanksgiving.  At this point we have no plans, and I love it.  I would be perfectly content keeping it that way and enjoying a simple, quiet dinner at home, but also fine going somewhere.  We'll see.  Either way, I will be making it a point to remind Neil to watch his fingers if he decides to play football with the boys!
  
  
•  November 25th: Black Friday.  Last year is the first I'd ever partaken of the Black Friday craze.  I set my alarm for 4am and was standing outside Target's doors at 4:30.  I got what I'd planned to, but I'm still not sure if it was worth all the trouble (or lack of sleep).  I'm still undecided on my plans for this year.  I'll just have to see what kind of deals are out there and how tired I'm feeling the night before.  :)
  
  
• December 25th: Christmas.  I'm sure there are plenty of things that will fill up my calendar between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but as of right now it looks fairly manageable.  As for Christmas plans, we are going to just stick around here.  Neil and I really like the idea of staying home for Christmas each year so that we can build traditions and memories as our own family.  That certainly doesn't mean we're opposed to travel during the Christmas season.  At this point, however, we don't have any plans of doing so.  As for gifts, I really like the idea of doing something homemade for the kids.  You really can't beat last year's "homemade" gifts.  Neil definitely rocked it.  Er, I mean, Santa!  I'm thinking of making the kids something like a tent/reading nook or a simple puppet show theater.  It's all based on what the kids are loving these days, so we'll continue to see what they enjoy, but those are two thoughts right now.

None of this, of course, includes Chloe's ballet lessons every Tuesday afternoon, or her Christmas singing program practices, which begin the first week in November, or piano lessons, which will probably start about that same time, not to mention mutual activities and lessons, playgroups and all the other daily and weekly things I get to stay on top of.  And with some recent changes to Neil's job, plus a new calling, which I'll write about in a separate post, we've been seeing a lot less of him. 

Well this has turned out to be much longer than I'd expected or planned.  I'd better get back to bed.  Tomorrow is the beginning of another week, and while I don't have too much on my calendar as of yet, I know the storm is about to hit.  Thankfully my house is relatively clean and picked up (always a great way to start off a new week).  I'm really excited about the upcoming Holidays, despite what may have seemed like a whole lot of complaining.  Sometimes I think of how nice it would be if the kids' birthdays weren't BOTH in November.  I mean, truly, Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are enough to make any mom's life crazy, let alone throwing two birthdays into the mix!  It's okay though.  I'm lucky to have two healthy kids, and all I can do is laugh about them being so close together.  At least Ryan wasn't born on his due date, which would have put their birthdays a single day apart.  Ha!  How would that be?

As my mom recently said, after rattling off her many 'To-Dos,' "HOW does it happen that I get so far behind? Guess I just have a rich, full life!"   I'd much rather have a "rich, full life!" that's hectic and sometimes overwhelming than a dull, boring life that requires little of me.  Thanks, Mom, for once again putting things into perspective for me. 

Oh, the places she'll go...

As I've mentioned a handful of times now, Chloe's first day of kindergarten was August 10th.  It was a bittersweet day (more sweet than bitter), but I kept it together pretty well all things considered.  I was kind of a mess the night before just trying to get everything ready and best prepare myself for the following morning's events.  After tossing and turning in bed for several minutes, I finally got up and had a good, long needed cry.  It felt great, honestly, and as I sat and cried some more, I reminisced about my baby girl and about how quickly the last five and a half years had passed by.  Then I put my thoughts on paper and wrote Chloe a letter.  I am so glad I did that.  The words came flowing probably due to the overabundance of emotions filling my heart.  The tears and the letter did the trick because when I was finished I crashed.  Next thing I knew it was morning.  As I lay in bed starring up at the ceiling, I said to myself, "I will remember this day for the rest of my life." 

Neil had to work in Sacramento early that morning so he missed out on all the first day of school festivities, which was a serious bummer.  Chloe and Ryan were still sleeping when he had to take off, so he stopped in Chloe's room to give her a kiss and wish her well before slipping out.  I managed to get Chloe's lunch made and packed between the time Neil left and Chloe came downstairs. 

{I found this cute printable here, and just couldn't resist.  Even though Chloe's still learning to read and wasn't likely to get it, I knew she'd still be excited to find a little treat in her lunch.}

When Chloe came downstairs she was already dressed and wearing one of the biggest grins I've ever seen.  Clearly she was excited and ready for this day she'd been anticipating for months and months.  She was absolutely darling to watch.  The first thing she said to me was, "Daddy kinda woke me up when he came and kissed me."  Then, over the course of the next half hour she said about six different times, "I can't believe it's my first day of school!"

Here's a little video clip I took before we headed out.

     

And here are the pictures.  Yes, the many, many pictures. As usual, I went overboard.

The (bent) sign should read "Ms. Huff", not "Miss Huff".  Oops.  Look at how cute my babies are!

I love their expressions, especially Ryan's.  I don't think he really had a clue what was going on.

Arriving to school, just about to walk into the classroom!  Chloe was so excited to see a star on the door with her name on it!  Pictured to the right is Chloe with her new friend, Kaya.

Ms. Huff took a picture of each child sitting in this chair before class started, so it was only logical that I take a picture of her sitting in the chair too (because I hadn't already taken about a hundred pictures).  To the right, Chloe sits quietly at her place at the table, ready to go!

By this point I think Chloe had had about enough with the camera.  I couldn't blame her, but I also couldn't help myself.  So I kept clicking away. 

Here Chloe stands in line just after the bell has rung.  That's Ms. Huff on the right, greeting every child individually before heading into the classroom.  She does that every single morning.  Isn't that neat?

And one last shot of my Chloebug standing in line.  It was around this time that she said to me, "K, Mom.  It's time for you to go now." 

I watched as Chloe followed her classmates into Room 1.  Then I watched the door shut behind them.

Then I stood there for a few seconds longer and just stared at the classroom.  I'm not sure if I was waiting for something else to happen or what, but it was in that moment that I realized I wasn't dreaming, that I was really living Chloe's first day of kindergarten, and that, so far, I'd survived it.

To celebrate my survival (HA!), Ryan and I stopped at the donut shop here in Ripon.  It was pretty cool hanging out with my little man, and it made me excited for all the future mornings we'd be spending together, just the two of us.

Ryan didn't seem initially affected by Chloe's absence, but once we got home he started asking, "Where's Chloe?"  Neither one of us seemed to know what to do with ourselves.  It was bizarre to say the least.  Luckily 1:50 arrived quickly and it was time to go pick her up.

Though I didn't get much information out of her, Chloe had a great first day and seemed really happy.  Upon arriving home, she had a little snack while I interviewed her.  She seemed to really enjoy answering the questions, and even suggested that in addition to the many favorites I'd listed, that I include her favorite shape.  And so I did!

It was a memorable day for sure, and I am already looking back on it with tenderness.  Now that we're three weeks in I can honestly say I'm seeing big changes in Chloe.  She is growing up more and more every day and I am just beyond proud.  This will probably sound terrible but this whole transition has worked wonders for our relationship.  Being away from her for six hours every day has given me the opportunity to miss her.  My patience level has increased tremendously as well, and I have felt many tender mercies.  It's just been a great thing all around.

I also just adore Chloe's teacher.  With all the recent budget cuts, classes have increased in size by an average of 50%.  Chloe's class contains 28 students and Ms. Huff doesn't even have an aide!  It's terrible.  I feel for her but have been so impressed with how she's managed to stay on top of things.  She is loving and affectionate but firm too - just the combination these little munchkins need.  I can't wait to help out in the classroom and suspect I'll have many opportunities!

One last thing I wanted to share are these pictures I dug up the other night.  Just thought it was appropriate given this special milestone.  Weren't we cute little kindergartners?

Happy Kindergarten, darling Chloe! We can hardly wait to see all the things you do and all the places you go!  We love you!

An extraordinary moment on an ordinary day

You may recall this post wherein I shared this quote by Hilary Weeks: "Extraordinary moments can happen in the middle of ordinary days."  This morning I had one of those moments. 

It all started as Chloe and I were heading out the door.  Suddenly, she gasped, froze in her tracks, put her hand over her mouth and pointed to the window.

"Look, Mom!  Look!  LOOK!!!" 

"Cool!  It's a hot air balloon!"

"Can I go outside and see it?  Please, Mommy!  Pleaaaaase!"

"No, Chloe, we need to go!  But you'll be able to see it while we're driving, probably even better than if you stood outside!"

"Okay!" she said, dashing to the car in record-breaking time.

Upon leaving our cul-de-sac, Chloe instantly spotted the balloon, which was now straight ahead of us, and proceeded to follow its location all the while jumping around in her seat, shrilling with joy and clapping her hands.  About a mile into the drive, Chloe discovered two more balloons, over which she became equally ecstatic.  Never have I seen a child show the level of exuberance, wonder and awe over a man-made device that Chloe demonstrated this morning.  She was practically in tears.  When we made our final turn onto Murphy Road towards the school, we noticed that the most colorful balloon of the bunch was now within a few hundred feet of us and very low to the ground.  Chloe's school is surrounded by orchards so you can imagine the glorious sight of this vibrant and gigantic balloon aircraft practically skimming the tops of these luscious trees right next to us.  It was incredible.  When we got to school and I pointed out the balloon one last time, which we could barely see now from the playground, I kissed Chloe goodbye and watched her skip away.

It was pretty awesome being in the right place at the right time.  It was even more awesome witnessing Chloe's reaction to it.  Such a simple thing it was, but such astounding joy it brought her, and, as a result, me.   

I think I just might like hot air balloons more today than I did yesterday.

Something every mom should read

I stumbled upon this "letter" on parenting.com's blog this morning and had to share.  Perhaps it's because I appreciate this mom's raw honesty and can relate to her dilemma.  Or maybe it's because I think anyone who reads my blog deserves a good laugh to start off their week!  Either way, enjoy.  (See direct link HERE.)

Dearest Children,

Some questions have arisen recently with regards to chores and I thought I’d address your concerns in writing.

Regarding your question – Why do we have to do chores EVERY DAY? We do chores every day because you trash the house every day. If you stop eating, wearing clothes, playing with toys, using the bathroom and throwing your personal effects on the floor, the chores will cease.

For now, I caution you to carefully choose the time and place to begin a discussion about chores and their fairness. For example, when I am currently scrubbing puddles of dried urine from the floor around your toilet, it’s probably not the best time to yell about how unfair it is that you have to pick up the books you were reading. P.S. My aim is better than yours and that’s probably not fair either.

When I was young, I remember me or one of my siblings tearfully telling my mom, “But Mom, I’m not like you, I don’t LIKE doing chores.” She laughed at that comment. To this day I’m not sure why but I’d like to tell you something similar. I’m not like my mom. I don’t LIKE doing chores. That’s why I had kids, so I’d have someone to do all the work for me. If you’re sick of doing chores, grow up and have your own kids.

Sometimes you ask me to have mercy and let you watch a movie or play outside before you get your chores done. I rarely give in and I’ll tell you why. Every time I give in and let you do something fun before work, you have a total meltdown when the fun is over and it’s time for chores to start. If you could find it in your mental and emotional reserves to not go nuclear when it was chore time, I’d find it in my mental and emotional reserves to be more flexible with the scheduling.

Speaking of scheduling, I will now clue you in to one of the great mysteries of successful time management – If you don’t take forever to do something, it won’t take forever to get it done. It’s a simple principle, really. If you move slower than a dead person, your chores will never be finished. If, by contrast, you move your body, you may find that you have a couple of minutes left at the end of a grueling day of making your own bed to enjoy some leisure time.

I hope this has been helpful and enlightening. Have a marvelous day in the trenches!

Love,
Mom

Happy Monday, everyone!

Stinky and joyful

Ryan is growing into quite the little stink.  Believe it or not, he has started taking punches at his sister, hitting the nearest thing in sight, and even yelling or throwing objects when he doesn't get his way.  I am learning a pattern, or should I say becoming reacquainted with one which another child, who will remain unnamed, followed when she was Ryan's same age. 

One night about a month ago, after teeth had been brushed, bladders had been emptied, arguments had been resolved, songs had been sung, and prayers had been said, it was time for bed.  Just as we were ready to tuck kiddos in so that Neil and I could enjoy a few moments of sanity before collapsing ourselves, Chloe realized she'd left her blanket downstairs.  It was at this same moment that I realized Ryan's blanket had also been left downstairs.  My initial thought was to have Chloe grab it since she was heading down there anyway, however I knew that this could potentially result in disaster.  So instead I gave Ryan the option of getting it himself or letting Chloe.  Sometimes he's perfectly willing to let her do things for him.  Sometimes he's not.  The key is convincing him that he's in control and that the decision is his to make, not someone else's.  Well, as I suspected, "I do it!" was Ryan's response.  That, along with "I don't like that" are two of his favorites these days.  Now top that with it already being past his bedtime, when he tends to be a little more unreasonable, irrational, possessive, demanding, and whiny than usual, and the prediction is simple.  He was going to go get his blanket, NOT Chloe! 

Well, poor Chloe, in an attempt to be helpful, and obviously not having heard my conversation with Ryan, had already raced down the stairs before I even had a chance to tell her to leave Ryan's blanket behind.  In fact, she was three quarters of the way back up just as Ryan was approaching the stairs to go down.  You can imagine the sheer terror in his eyes when he spotted his blanket in Chloe's arms.  She quickly handed it off to him, but the damage had already been done.  With tears in his eyes, he threw himself onto the floor and started screaming like an honest, healthy, and very tired two-year-old would!  About ninety seconds in, he slammed the blanket onto the floor and proceeded to kick it down the stairs, screaming the entire way, until he and the blanket had reached the bottom.  After all, the only way to gain complete control back was to undo Chloe's good deed.

About twenty minutes later when Ryan had finally settled down, we were trying to determine where he was going to sleep.  Ever since we transformed his crib into a toddler bed, Ryan has preferred sleeping on his floor.  On occasion he'll choose to sleep in his bed, but because I never know, I've just added the question, "bed or floor?" to our nightly routine.  Well earlier this week, Ryan had become more particular than usual about where on the floor his head would lie.  He has this soft monkey mat (from Aunt Sue) that he sleeps on, and always wants his pillow in a specific place on this mat.  For some reason though, I just couldn't get it right.  It didn't matter where I put the silly mat or where I placed the pillow on the mat.  His reaction was inevitably the same: throwing head back, more crying, followed by a, "Nooooooo!  Ight dier!" ("right there"), while pointing two inches from the current location of his mat and pillow.  I'm sure this partially stemmed from the episode that took place twenty minutes prior, but either way, it was absurd and a little over the top.  He did eventually give in and sleep but not without a good fight.

While these stories illustrate the events of a single night, they also represent a lot of habits and tendencies Ryan has started to exhibit.  Some more examples?  Let's see.  He can't manage in the bathroom when I've got my hands full in the kitchen, yet the minute I'm free to help him pull up his pants or wipe his bum he discourages any contact with me whatsoever.  He demands the pink cup until Chloe expresses interest in the yellow cup.  Then suddenly he has to have the yellow cup.  If I place his green blanket on him before placing his blue blanket on him (both of which he sleeps with every night), he wants the blue blanket on him before the green blanket. Yet had I done it this way to begin with, he will have demanded it be done the other way.  So in essence, whatever I do, or how I do it, dictates what he wants and how he wants it. And that is more often than not the complete opposite of what I just did.  As I am slowly catching onto Ryan's patterns, I am becoming better equipped at handling him.  Sometimes giving him options is the trick to maintaining a happy boy, and sometimes it doesn't matter what I do because he's already decided that he's going to be miserable regardless.

I know Ryan is learning, and sometimes I think I'm doing a good job at handling him.  He sure does exhaust me though.  Motherhood in general exhausts me.  In fact, I've never found it more exhausting than right now.  I don't know if it's the current stages of both of my children, but those two literally suck the life right out of me.  I recently stumbled upon this quote and found within it great comfort (and hope).  In sharing his thoughts on mothering, M. Russell Ballard said this:

"First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments.  There will be hard times and frustrating times.  But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. . . .

Second, don't overschedule yourselves or your children. . . . Families need unstructured time when relationships can deepen and real parenting can take place.  Take time to listen, to laugh, and to play together.

Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests.  Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them.  Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children."

-M. Russell Ballard (from Hilary Weeks' Bedtime and Naptime..., p.49)

Ballard's thoughts really hit home for two reasons.  First, the concept of joy in motherhood coming in moments is so very true, at least for me at this point in my life.  What I've realized though is that it's okay that it only comes in moments - even normal, in fact!  And that it's not all supposed to be joyful and perfect.  After all, it's the challenges, disappointments and heartaches we face day in and day out that help us cherish and hold tight to those "moments" of joy that come unexpectedly.  And really, if life were perfect and our children were perfect, and our houses were perfect, and everything were perfect, what would be our purpose on this earth?  And would all the many joyful moments really feel joyful after a while, or would they start to feel boring and less exciting?  We certainly wouldn't have many opportunities to grow if there weren't some unpleasant moments to mix things up. 

Second, Elder Ballard's encouragement about finding time for ourselves was a good reminder for me, and something I especially needed to hear from an Apostle.  I think in the monotony of motherhood, it's easy to lose ourselves.  After all, if my kids, who since I can remember, I dreamed of carrying, birthing and raising, can drive me crazy and wear me out and often make me feel everything BUT joy, then I must be failing!  It's usually when I'm not making time for myself and not cultivating my gifts and talents that I start falling into this trap.

So Ryan is a little stink.  We've established that.  He has his sweet moments, but most of the time, at least right now, he's a stink.  I get it.  I am accepting it.  And I will continue to work with him over and over again for as long as it takes him to understand how he should be.  I will do that because I am his mother and I love him.  Despite the challenges, I am grateful for him and for the lessons I am learning.  I am also grateful that I am not naive to the realities of motherhood.  It really isn't always fluffy, flowery and beautiful.  But somehow enduring life's challenges helps me to recognize and appreciate even more those occasional moments of joy.  And when they come, I cherish and remember them. And I really truly believe that that's how God intended it to be.

Don't forget to give her winter

I have so many reasons to smile and be thankful. I have a devoted and patient husband, two healthy and happy children, an amazing extended family, my health, an understanding of and love for my religion and the many ways it has guided and strengthened me, a roof over my head and food in my fridge, helpful friends and a warm and inviting ward family, and countless other things. While I recognize, acknowledge and express gratitude to my Heavenly Father each day for these many blessings in my life, they do not free me from daily challenges and frustrations. And unfortunately, I've been feeling especially low these last couple of weeks.

While talking with my mom recently, she reminded me of a poem she shared with me years ago. When I read it this time, it hit home and I found myself getting quite emotional over the message it conveyed. Perhaps it's because I am a mother now, who has already witnessed my daughter enduring a challenge in her life, knowing just how difficult it was but still allowing for it because I knew it was necessary for her growth.

A couple weeks ago during our young women's mid-week activity, we talked with the girls about preparing for motherhood. We had a guest speaker who at one point asked us each to list attributes on a piece of paper that our own mothers had and/or attributes we hoped to one day possess as mothers. Here are the things that stood out to me which I am still working toward achieving, even 5+ years in:

- Love them unconditionally

- Nurture them

- Show affection

-Teach them the gospel

- Teach them good habits and manners

-Teach them the concept of hard work and responsibility

- Give of your time

- Listen to them

-Allow them to practice agency

- Set a good example and truly practice what you preach

- Be willing to apologize when needed

- Pray for them continually

- Practice tough love

- Don't give them everything they want

- Laugh

As we discussed these things I was once again reminded of the poem my mom had just shared with me. I felt impressed to share it with the girls, so I did.

Prayer for a Daughter

God of men and God of nature,

Shape my daughter like the seasons.

Give her all the song of springtime

And the subtlety of April,

Generosity of summer,

Warmth and all the sweet fulfillment,

And the sparkling wit of autumn,

Color like October hillsides.

Lest her charms may be too many,

Give her something of the winter:

Stars and distances and silence,

Courage of the open spaces,

Wisdom of the waiting branches,

Don't forget to give her winter.

- Esther Wood

Yes! Of course we want our daughters (and sons) to have the song of springtime, the warmth of summer, and the colors of autumn.  BUT!  We also know that they need something of winter. Just as we mothers watch our children suffer due to unfortunate circumstances or poor choices, our Heavenly Father watches us endure life's challenges and hardships. And while He wants to free us from the pains and protect us from the evils, He knows that without them we can never grow.  And without growth, there's little purpose to our earthly life.

One point my mom made after sharing this poem was that winter can be beautiful. In fact, Salt Lake, where she lives, had just received a fresh thick coat of snow, and she talked about how gorgeous the tree branches looked and how the white powder glistened on the ground. Yes, trials are not always beautiful, but from our trials come the greatest beauties out there: growth, character, a greater perspective, a deeper appreciation, peace, empathy, and even sometimes a certain indescribable fondness of the memories those trials provided.

Looking back at last summer when Neil and I were apart for 3 months, I now find myself smiling. While during that time I often felt miserable, uncertain, inadequate and lonely, I now recognize the many ways in which I grew; ways I never could have otherwise grown had it not been for the "winter" of that summer.  And, believe it or not, I honestly do look back at those 3 months with fondness.

As I face the inevitable cloudy days of life, I try to focus on the rainbows that I know will follow. I am grateful for a mother (and father) who gave me winter and who have helped me understand its importance. I'm a better person for it, and I hope I can be a strength to my own daughter as she faces her winters.

Love this

Forget the money tree!  I'm gettin' me one of these!

3 Reasons to Celebrate

Yesterday celebrated many things. 

#1 - My brother-in-law, Jeff's birthday. 

{Allison, Jeff and Grant - Salt Lake Temple grounds; October 2009}

Jeff is currently deployed, and expected to come home within the next month, last I heard.  We hope, despite the circumstances and lack of loved ones nearby, that his birthday was special.  We love you, Jeff!

#2 - Ryan's 18 month birthday, which means..... drum roll please.....

NURSERY!!!

Given the nature of Neil's and my callings, there have been a handful of Sundays we've had to take Ryan to the Nursery.  He has done amazingly well, and yesterday was no different.  It simply marked his first official day on the roll.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself.  I've gotten so used to chasing him around during Primary.  It will be a nice break, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit sad.    

Making magic with play dough.


Scopin' things out.


Is this handsome, chubby cheeked, blue eyed boy of mine really 18 months?  It just can't be!

 And last, but not least... #3 - Mother's Day!  What a privilege it is to be a woman!  And what a privilege it is to be a mother!  I cannot think of a greater honor than to bring a child into the world, raise, teach, love, nurture, learn from, and enjoy all the blessings of that joyful challenge.  I have yet to witness a miracle more grand and significant than motherhood. 

I'm grateful for the women in my life who have inspired and helped me to see what a sacred and divine role womanhood is, and who have molded me into the woman and mother I am today.  My mom, whose Christ-like love surpasses all.   My mother-in-law, whose influence has produced hard-working children with healthy habits, the oldest of whom I call "husband".  My grandmothers, whose experiences have provided perspective and wisdom that I otherwise wouldn't know.  My aunts and sisters-in-law, who each bring unique gifts and attributes to the table.  My dearest friends, who have been sisters to me, mothers to my children, and who have strengthened and lifted me in times of need.  The women of the Church, whose faith and perseverance simply astonish me.

{Hannah of the Old Testament with her long awaited son, Samuel.}

Gordon B. Hinckley said,

“Woman is God’s supreme creation. Only after the earth had been formed, after the day had been separated from the night, after the waters had been divided from the land, after vegetation and animal life had been created, and after man had been placed on the earth, was woman created; and only then was the work pronounced complete and good.

Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth.”

Beautifully said, and so true.

I am grateful for these two, who made me a mommy. 


They make me crazy, but there's nothing I'd rather do than spend my days with them.  And that's the truth.  Happy Mother's Day!

Say it isn't so!

Dear Ryan,

Are you really 5 months? Really? Already? It just can't be! Why can't you stop time so I can enjoy your stages a wee bit longer? Work on that for me, would ya? In the meantime, here are some of the fun things you've been up to:

• You were introduced to rice cereal on March 1st. I know you weren't quite 4 months yet, but I was looking for any possible solution to your horrible sleeping pattern! Did it work? Not one bit! But you did seem to enjoy the rice cereal! Since then you've tasted a variety of other foods. You sure make funny faces when you try new things. Your favorites seem to be applesauce and squash.
  

• At your 4 month check up on March 16th, you weighed 14lbs., 8oz. (50th percentile for weight), and measured 25.75 in. (80th for height)! I'd be willing to bet that since then you've grown another 2 inches! You are my long skinny boy!
  
  

  

  
  
  
• Around the time you hit the 4 month mark, you all at once discovered 3 things: your voice, your feet and your thumb! That's right, we've got a thumb sucker on our hands! And recently you seem to feel entitled to suck your thumb AND nurse at the same time! I'll have to say, Ryan, you've got it pretty good!

• Anything that comes within view you try to grab. When you're successful you grasp it for dear life, examine it until you're practically cross-eyed, and then, without fail, put it in your mouth! EVERYTHING goes in your mouth these days. EVERYTHING!
  
  

  
  

• You love to sing, especially in the early morning when the rest of the house sleeps. A few Saturdays ago, after a rather rough night of frequent wakings (which resulted in you spending the latter half of the night in our room), you woke up at 6:45 and for the next hour and a half, serenaded us with several different variations of "Ahhh...ahh..ahhhhhh..ah!" While Daddy and I generally prefer silence while we sleep, we couldn't help but smile as we lay in bed. And you were just content as could be in the pack 'n play, exercising your vocal cords and playing with your cute feet!
  
  
• You absolutely love your sister and give her a warm smile each time she comes to give you a kiss or play. You laugh and laugh at her silliness (often times when I think she's being obnoxious, which makes me grateful), and are so patient when she gets a little rough. God was certainly thinking straight when he made you babies resilient!
  
  

  

• You have been rolling from side to side for over a month now, but April 4th, you rolled from your back onto your stomach for the first time! Less than a minute passed before you realized you were stuck with your little arms underneath you. So of course you cried until I placed you on your back again. The following week you worked at it and finally, Friday, you rolled ALL THE WAY OVER (back to back). Unfortunately your head hit the leg of the coffee table on your final tumble, which resulted in tears! But I was so proud of you! You're getting so strong, and it's obvious you just want to take off! Changing your diaper has already become a challenge because you just won't hold still for me! Every time you're placed on your back, you immediately flip over onto your stomach. It's hilarious, and oh so cute!
  
  
• You can sit up by yourself for about 4 seconds at a time before falling over. For some reason you always want to lean forward, which you're gradually learning doesn't help. You'll get there soon!
  
  

  
• You are such a flirt, enjoying interaction with anyone willing to give you attention! When you get excited you squeal and kick your little legs a hundred miles an hour! You giggle and coo, and are just the sweetest little boy in the world! I love your chubby cheeks. I love your crystal clear blue eyes. I love your perfect round nose. I love your tiny toes that curl under. I love your soft whimper when you aren't happy. I love your hearty contagious laughter when you are happy. I love your chill personality. I love your sweet spirit. I love your grunting, growling and every other funny noise you make. I love that you recognize me as your mom, and that often, just seeing that I'm right there makes everything better.
  
  

  

  I sure adore being your mama! I have to admit I was terrified when Daddy told me you were a boy, but now I can't imagine life without a son! Keep learning, growing (but not too fast) and being the sweet little man you are! I love you, buddy.
  
  XOXO,
  Mom
  
  P.S. Here's a video clip I couldn't resist posting. {pause music to listen}

{Pictures courtesy of Rachael Pullman. Thank you again, Rachael! What do ya think of the editing? Not bad for a first timer, eh?}

There's nothing quite like mom...

In the last few weeks I've been fortunate enough to enjoy the company and help of both my mom and mother-in-law. My mom was out here the first week in December, and Neil's mom flew in last Wednesday for the Holidays. It's impossible to explain, but to me, there's just something extra special about having mom around.


Ryan and Grandma Jill getting acquainted.


Ryan taking an afternoon snooze on Grandma Susie's lap.

I am so grateful to have not one, but TWO moms! I love that I can laugh with each of them over silly things, that I can comfortably ask for advice or help without feeling as though I'm imposing, and that I can be myself around them both. Aside from everything else, I'm forever grateful for the love and encouragement they extend to me as a young mom who's still figuring it all out.

Thanks for all you both do! I appreciate and love you more than you know...

It's a miracle!

BOTH of my children are sleeping!

I have never been this lucky (during the day).

Better attempt that power nap while I have the chance!

Mother of the year

It is 9:07am. Already today, Ryan has peed through one outfit, blanket and our sheets, which, by the way, I just cleaned two days ago. Then only moments after putting him into a clean outfit, he threw up all over that. I'm not talking about a tiny dribble of spit up either. This was his entire breakfast! Needless to say, he's in his third outfit of the day, and I'm in my second!

Then there's Chloe, who has asked for a birthday cupcake about thirty two times now, talked back/yelled at mom, and been to time out twice. She also won't leave her brother alone, and I feel like at any second I'm going to throw her in the backyard and leave her there until noon!

To top it all off, today is Neil's first day back at work. He just called from the other side of town to ask if I remembered to put his sun glasses back in his car after I drove it yesterday. Naturally I did not - they are sitting right next to me. And of all the days for him to not have his sun glasses! The poor guy has to drive to La Junta! He's going to have wrinkles around his eyes by the time he gets home tonight.

My house is also trashed. I would take pictures, but I'm too embarrassed. Just take my word for it.

Mother of the year, here I come!

Feelin' bummed

So last Thursday night I started having contractions at 9pm. They were pretty intense right from the start and coming two minutes apart. By 9:45 I had a pen and paper and was jotting down their frequency to confirm they really were coming every two minutes - sure enough, right on the dot! After 3 full glasses of water, an episode of 'Criminal Minds', and a hot shower, they finally slowed down (right at 11). They continued throughout the night here and there, but by 5am were getting stronger again. At 6:30 when I couldn't lay in bed any longer due to the discomfort, I started to think this might really be it! And so, in a panic, I started cleaning my house, folding laundry, and trying to get as organized as possible. I certainly hadn't planned to spend Halloween in the hospital, but it was looking as though that might be a possibility! By 8:00 I'd accomplished a TON, but then the contractions just stopped almost all together. So weird.

Well, I figured even if all those contractions didn't put me into labor, they at least had to have done SOMETHING! But alas, my doctor's appointment yesterday indicated no progress whatsoever. In fact, Dr. Baer said he could hardly even find my cervix! I was on the verge of tears driving out of his parking lot. If those contractions didn't do anything, what will? I am pretty much convinced this baby will be a November 19th c-section (we changed our "deadline" date from the 21st). I'll keep my fingers crossed, but I'm certainly not getting my hopes up about going into labor on my own. Not now.

I am also a little stressed by this new job. I think all of us (myself, Neil and the doctor) were expecting it to be much more low-key than it's actually turned out to be. It's so frustrating that someone could just walk out on a job, leaving a huge mess behind. I can't imagine lacking such a conscience! Since Friday I have put in 25 hours! Luckily all patients still active in these studies are being seen this week, which means none will be coming back for another 4-6 weeks. While there's still lots I'm trying to learn and clean up, I am hoping to tie up enough loose ends by Friday afternoon so that next week I can just relax at home and enjoy my remaining days of being mother-of-one with Chloe. The poor girl has been thrown around so much this week, and I just feel like the worst mother in the world! I'm so involved though, I just wouldn't feel right backing out on this poor doctor. Neil has been very patient and encouraging, and I honestly think he's the reason I'm still going. I've certainly learned a lot from this experience. Not only do I appreciate my role as a mom and my ability to stay home full-time more than I think I ever have, but my heart just absolutely goes out to all you working moms who don't have the choice! I really don't know how you do it, but I respect you on a whole new level.

Aside from some of the stress and disappointments this last week has brought, I'm feeling okay. My feet and ankles are swollen, my back is hurting (mostly just in the morning), and in general I'm feeling more and more like a waddling machine. Still, I've managed to keep my endurance and have yet to feel as miserable as I did at this stage of my pregnancy with Chloe. We'll see what another week does. :)

14 days or less!

Firstborn survey

There are a few reasons for this post:

1. I have been feeling reminiscent today.
   
   
2. I received this in an email from one of my childhood friends and figured it was right up my alley. Any of you who know me well are aware that pregnancy and motherhood are two my favorite topics of conversation. :)
   


3. Any way I can provide myself with reasons to continue loving my daughter, I'll snatch in a heartbeat! These last couple weeks with her have been some of the most challenging yet. The term "terrible twos" doesn't even begin to describe the kind of booger she's been. I do love my Chloebug, don't get me wrong. But selling her has, at moments not only sounded appealing but quite reasonable. So perhaps reflecting back on the days when she didn't know how to be a booger will help me find the patience and understanding needed to endure the remainder of this "phase".
   

I'd love to read about your experiences, so feel free to consider yourself "tagged" if you're interested!

Firstborn survey

How Old Were You When You Had Your First Baby? 24

What Was Your Due Date? November 23, 2005

When Was Your Baby Actually Born? November 17, 2005 at 9:32pm

Was This A Planned Pregnancy? Neil's Valentine's Day card to me that year simply read, "I'm ready!" That same week I stopped birth control and two weeks later I was pregnant! So yes, it was "planned", but neither of us expected it to happen as quickly as it did!

When And How Did You Find Out You Were Pregnant? March 15th. At the time I worked for the Lynn Institute, a company that conducts pharmaceutical trials. I coordinated most of the women's studies and therefore worked very closely with Dr. Baer, our OB/GYN who oversaw the participants. He also happened to be my OB, and was aware that I'd just stopped birth control and might possibly be pregnant. I remember stopping by his office that morning to have some paperwork signed and him asking if I'd taken a pregnancy test yet. I was expecting to start within the next couple days and didn't want to get ahead of myself so I explained that I had not, but would if I didn't start within a day or so. He then told me it was most likely early enough to detect a positive and that I shouldn't wait to take the test. Apparently he was almost as anxious as I was to know. And so what did I do when I left his office? I headed straight back to work, stopped in the lab (where they always kept a multitude of pregnancy tests), grabbed one and headed to the bathroom. Sure enough, bam! POSITIVE! I remember starring at the test for about a minute while still sitting in the stall, just allowing the reality of those two very distinct lines to sink in. For the next hour I had a permanent grin on my face, and couldn't even remotely concentrate on ANYTHING work-related. Not too much later Neil and I were walking through the parking lot to head to the Olive Garden for lunch (the same restaurant he took me the day he proposed - how ironic), when I just suddenly blurted out, "So, are you ready to be a daddy?"

Did You Have Any Strange Pregnancy Cravings? The only thing I really craved with Chloe was fruit.

Did You Have Any Complications During Your Pregnancy? I had kidney stones at 33 weeks. Boy did that make all the other discomforts of pregnancy (including delivery) seem like a walk in the park!

Did You Go Into Labor On Your Own? No, I was induced 7 days before my due date (November 16th). This may sound really lame, but my doctor had a hunting trip planned the week of Thanksgiving, and my due date landed right smack in the middle of it. I was so worried I'd go into labor while he was gone, and couldn't stand the thought of someone else delivering Chloe. Out of the goodness of his heart, he offered to induce me before his trip and I gladly took him up on it.

What's The Background On Your Baby's Name? Neil liked the name Chloe before he and I even met, and mentioned it for the first time only a month or so into our marriage. We were watching The Skulls and the main female character's name was Chloe, which is what brought the subject up in the first place. I honestly wasn't crazy about it at the time, but it grew on me, obviously. Neil had a great aunt named May, but we'd already come up with Chloe's middle name before learning that. Had she been a boy, her name would have been Kyle.

What Brand Of Diapers Do/Did You Buy? Pampers Swaddlers were and still are my favorite, then Luvs.

Do/Did You Nurse Or Bottle Feed? I nursed Chloe until she was 13 months. She never once took a bottle or tasted a single ounce of formula. I was extremely lucky.

Will You Have More? It's the ongoing debate in the Andersen household. I always wanted 3 (or 4), but Neil is pretty set on 2. Guess it isn't up to us though... right, Shannon?

How Long Were You In Labor? 30 hours.

Did You Get An Epidural? Yes, after 11 hours of labor.

Did You Have A Home Delivery? Not really into that sort of thing - wouldn't have worked anyway since I was induced and ended up having a c-section.

Did You Find Out The Gender Before Birth? No, we wanted it to be a surprise. The technician wasn't able to determine the gender anyway, or so she said.

Did You Have a Baby Shower? Yes, 3! My mom and aunts threw me one in Utah, my dear friend, April, threw me one in Colorado, and my co-workers at the time threw me a surprise shower just a week or so before my last day.

Who Was In The Delivery Room With You? Besides the doctors and nurses, Neil's sister, Lori. We hadn't planned it that way, but she'd driven down from Fort Collins to visit us (thinking we would FOR SURE have had the baby by then) and literally walked into the delivery room as they were about to wheel me into the OR. We all agreed, including Dr. Baer, that Lori was meant to be there for Chloe's birth and Dr. Baer is actually the one who extended the invitation for her to be present. It was really special, and I was extra appreciative because she took over camera duty, allowing Neil to enjoy his first moments of fatherhood to the fullest. Unfortunately none of us thought to take a picture of Lori holding Chloe in the hospital. I still regret that to this day!

How Long Did You Stay In The Hospital After You Gave Birth? Had Chloe Thursday night, went home Saturday afternoon. I was supposed to stay until Sunday but was doing so well, they released me a day early.

Did You Have A C-section? Yes, and it was not planned. Chloe was posterior (head down but facing my abdomen), and my doctor's first suspicion of this is when I told him all of my contractions were being felt in my back. In hopes Chloe would turn on her own, we continued the labor process. But after 30 hours I'd only dilated 2 cm, and it just seemed ridiculous to hope I'd progress. After I came out of recovery my doctor told me that in the process of stitching me back up, he got a good hard look at my pelvis and determined that it probably would have been too narrow to deliver Chloe vaginally, even if she had been positioned perfectly. So regardless of her positioning, I most likely would have had a c-section anyway.

Did You Attend Lamaze Classes? Yes, but Neil and I spent too much time giggling to really learn anything useful. We were HORRIBLE and to this day I wonder how we managed to not get kicked out! I remember one night in particular when Neil and another guy in the class kept cracking jokes during a birth video. In my husband's defense, it was really the other guy cracking all the jokes, but Neil was definitely not discouraging it. Anyway, I about peed my pants trying to contain my laughter. It was awful! It also didn't help that our teacher was a WAY out there - you would have thought she was permanently high by the way she spoke and expressed herself. It was hilarious. We just had a really hard time taking her and the class in general seriously. I know lamaze has been very useful to many, and I don't mean to slam it at all! For us it was just kind of a joke. And I'm sorry, but holding your hand in a bag of ice does NOT compare to actual contractions!

Did/Do You Keep A Baby Journal? I maintained a babysite for Chloe's first 2 years of life. You can look at it here. Since then, I've pretty much documented the big stuff on my blog, which I will eventually transfer over to her scrapbook.

How Much Weight Did You Gain During Your Pregnancy? 35 pounds.

Do You Have Any Keepsakes? Of course! They had Neil put on disposable scrubs before entering the OR for my c-section, and after Chloe was born they put her foot prints on his scrubs top. Still have them, even though the foot prints have totally faded! I even still have the pregnancy test I took the day I found out she was coming.

Did You Suffer From "Morning Sickness" During Your Pregnancy? Just the standard first trimester funk - nausea and lots of migraines.

What Were Your Baby's Stats At Birth? 7 pounds, 5 1/2 ounces, 21 1/2 inches long. Only a week or so before she was born my doctor told me, after feeling around my belly and doing some measurements, that I wouldn't have more than a 5 pound baby. And yet here came Chloe, nearly 7 1/2 pounds an entire week early! Boy were we fooled!

What Music Did You Listen To Most During Your Pregnancy? The last six weeks of my pregnancy I listened to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's Love Is Spoken Here album almost non-stop. To this day every song on that cd takes me back to the weeks leading up to Chloe's birth. Especially the song, 'Turn Around' which is all about having a daughter and watching her grow.

What Was The Best Thing About Being Pregnant? Feeling Chloe move, especially near the end when we could see elbows and knees poking up here and there. Neil and I spent many nights in bed just watching with amazement as she rolled around. Also just the anticipation of her birth, wondering what it'd be like to meet and hold her for the first time, and to finally see what she looked like. I also just generally loved being pregnant, aside from the physical discomforts. I felt attractive in an entirely new way.

What Was The Best Thing About Your Baby's Birth? Oh, so many things! Hearing her first squawk (she didn't cry at all) and seeing her cute little body for a split second before they whisked her off. Hearing Neil announce she was a girl. Listening to him talk so sweetly to her while they cleaned her and did her vitals. He spoke in such a soft tone and was so attentive to her. It practically made me cry even though I couldn't see any of it (since I was laying on the table getting stitched up). Neil remembers how when he said her name, she immediately turned her head toward him as if she recognized his voice. To this day he talks about that being one of his favorite memories of her.

The first time I held her of course topped it all

off! It was just surreal! I was in recovery for two hours and then wheeled up to my room when Neil brought her to me. I remember looking down at her and immediately thinking, "This is my baby! This is really my baby! My daughter! The child I've been carrying and feeling inside me for the last 9 months!" From that moment on I could hardly put her down!

What Has Been The Best Thing About Motherhood So Far? Nursing and cuddling in the beginning. Now that it's been almost 3 years I'd say the overall best thing has been that from day one, Chloe has recognized me as "mommy". No matter the stages or changes that have come and gone, the one thing that has remained consistent is her knowledge that I am her mother and that she needs me. Despite the challenges motherhood brings, I truly cannot think of a greater gift!